I don’t make the metaphors, I just point out the incredibly obvious opportunities for them:

We Can’t Hear Petraeus!! [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

So you think technology is bad in Iraq? The U.S. House of Representatives can’t get the commanding general a working mic in Washington, D.C. Ike Skelton seems to be offering to read his statement

…

Obama’s Spanish translator, that’s who. I only caught a few minutes of last night’s Univision debate, but that was enough to notice that Univision seemed to have contracted different translators for each candidate, and they sounded as though they were trying to pass along personality as well as meaning. Obama’s guy was smooth and hip …

It seems he doesn’t hold the blogosphere in high regard:

Last night on PBS’ The NewsHour, New York Times columnist David Brooks compared 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden’s latest video message to “lefty blogs,” saying the al Qaeda head is like “one of these childish people posting rants at the bottom of the page.”

• Iraqis didn’t welcome American troops with flowers because what they wanted was cigarettes! “‘[Al Qaeda] said, ‘You gotta quit smoking,'” Thompson explained to a questioner asking about progress in Iraq during a town hall-style meeting.” [NYDN]

• “It seems safe to predict that Gore will not be endorsing the bid of the senator from …

More bad news for Senate Republicans. The Nebraska Senator and Iraq War opponent is expected to announce on Monday that he will retire at the end of his current term in 2009, putting yet another Republican seat in jeopardy. Word is that Hagel, after flirting with the idea of running for President, does not intend to.

Democrats are …

So first President Bush, fresh from his visit to al-Anbar province, reportedly tells the deputy PM of Australia that “we’re kicking ass” in Iraq — the “we” being U.S. forces. If the report is true, the comment makes one wonder if the President remembers how that “Bring ’em on!” remark went over more than four years ago. Then he referred …

I admit I was a little surprised to see this quote from Mr. StrengthProsperityUnity: “Bin Laden is more symbolism than anything else.” A spokesman says Thompson meant that OLB “is a symbol for the global war on terror,” but not that he was unimportant. A symbol worth chasing “to hell and back, if needed.”

A wily symbol, indeed! In his …

I have a micro-piece in the mag this week about the state primary jumble and the attempts by both parties to get their ducks in a row. The fight is a little more contentious on the Dem side — they have more to gain and more lose — but there’s an even larger risk: this final graph, which deals with how the skirmish suggests to some the …

• DC judge marvels at government’s baffling, not wide, stance when it comes to sharing classified material: “Notwithstanding the clearance obtained, it has become apparent that the Executive will not grant the clerk access to the classified declarations filed here, at least not in the absence of vociferous resistance from this judicial …

The Arlington Group, a right-wing conservative Christian supergroup (think Queens of the Stone Age, but anti-queen), is conducting some kind of America’s Next Top Model contest with the GOP candidates. The National Review’s Campaign Spot reports that Thompson is not so much the Caridee of the contest (goofy but likeable) as the Jade …

There was one piece of news last week that hit Republicans even harder than Larry Craig’s wide stance in the Minneapolis airport men’s room, and that was the announcement by Virginia Senator John Warner that he will not run for re-election next year. Virginia has been trending purple in the last few cycles, and the vacancy puts that seat …

None of these quite hit the sweet spot, as it were, but I’ve been forwarded enough of them I can’t NOT share. And, hey, HE MIGHT ACTUALLY RESIGN, thus ending your interest.

And my favorite:

I think a photoshopped LOLMitt saying “DO NOT WANT” should be on someone’s agenda.