Grandpa Cheney

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The Weekly Standard reproduces the following letter written by Cheney during his time as “Acting President.” The magazine implies that this document somehow counters how he is “caricatured” as “Darth Vader.” Uhm, yeah, it’s real… warm:

Dear Kate, Elizabeth, Grace, Philip, Richard and Sam,

As I write this, our nation is engaged in a war with terrorists of global reach. My principal focus as Vice President has been to help protect the American people and our way of life. The vigilance, diligence and unwavering commitment of those who protect our Nation has kept us safe from terrorist attacks of the kind we faced on September 11, 2001. We owe a special debt of gratitude to the members of our armed forces, intelligence agencies, law enforcement agencies and others who serve and sacrifice to keep us safe and free.

As you grow, you will come to understand the sacrifices that each generation makes to preserve freedom and democracy for future generations, and you will assume the important responsibilities of citizens in our society. I ask of you as my grandchildren what I asked of my daughters, that you always strive in your lives to do what is right.

May God bless and protect you.
Richard B. Cheney
Acting President of the United States
(Grandpa Cheney)

I mean, he’s Cheney, so maybe he talks to them in this stilted but terrifying way all the time. But “YOU WILL ALL DIE” as a subtext? I guess it worked in 2004.

I can’t wait until they’re teenagers and start giving him crap about deferments. “Sure, ‘keep us safe,’ Pops, like you did in NAM?”

And the “Grandpa Cheney” bit? Really? Last names for the grandparents? That’s not over formal or anything, no…