1,000 Words

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Kevin Lamarque / Reuters
61 comments
fitty_three
fitty_three

"I have more crossed fingers than you."

fitty_three
fitty_three

"Don't even think about it, Putin. Snatch my bling and I'll kick your a$$!"

mantisdragon91
mantisdragon91

Putin: I miss that Bush guy. I could run circles around him while he looked deeply into my eyes.

terryclifton1
terryclifton1

The two most powerful men in the world realize that they are missing Dance Moms on cable.

dunedweller
dunedweller

Putin: Would it help if I take my shirt off?

yogi
yogi

President: I'm sorry too, Dmitri. I'm very sorry. All right, you're sorrier than I am. But I am sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri. Don't say that you're the more sorry than I am because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are. So we're both sorry, all right? All right.

nflfoghorn
nflfoghorn

My poll numbers suck.

No, comrade - MY poll numbers suck.  At least I can manipulate mine.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: Do you watch Game of Thrones?

Obama: Every time I meet with Boehner I think of the Red Wedding.

grape_crush
grape_crush

"Yeah, it sucks that they cancelled Fringe."

notsacredh
notsacredh

Obama: I don't think we're talking about the same Prince Albert.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Obama: You've got to fight for your right...

Putin (interrupting): To PARRRTY!

notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: You have a reputation that is almost Biblical.

Obama: Revelations, to be exact.

VincentRybka
VincentRybka

Welfare spending has increased thirty percent in the last four years, but poverty has gone up, not down.”explain to Putin how you managed to do that.

ahandout
ahandout

Obama:  "Ever read Alinsky?"  Putin:  "Nope."

ahandout
ahandout

How dare those Russian Teabaggers send a white guy.

ahandout
ahandout

They look much more relaxed without the ties.

ahandout
ahandout

Two of the most transparent people on the planet.

ahandout
ahandout

It shows: "The first I heard about this guy was when I read the papers today."

ahandout
ahandout

They got the hands right, but the "intelligent" look needs a lot of work.

deconstructiva
deconstructiva

Putin: My divorce is not yet final and already Sarah Palin is at my door begging to move in and be my mistress.

Obama: Oh, man, you're toast. You'd better flee the country. I hear Hong Kong is a lovely place to hide out this time of year, beats the heck out of Iceland.

deconstructiva
deconstructiva

Putin: This divorce idea was a bad one after all. I miss Lyudmila already. I need a smoke.

Obama: Wanna trade? You can have mine. Michelle still won't let me smoke and makes me eat those GD'ed White House Garden vegetables every day, hate that crap.

deconstructiva
deconstructiva

Putin: No, man, I really didn't steal that Super Bowl ring.

Obama: Don't look at me. I didn't send Tim Tebow over to pray over you day and night to return it ...oh wait, so THAT'S why Kraft and Belichick signed him.

PaulDirks
PaulDirks

I don't care how many bugs are in the room, at some point one of you is going to have to SAY something.

terryclifton1
terryclifton1

Both Obama and Putin realize that their security detail has already taken all the good looking hookers.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work I go.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: I thought I could impress the First Lady with my mastery of slang.

Obama: She really doesn't like being called a stank ho'. Just sayin'.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Obama: You SNAKE! I should have you arrested!!

Putin: I thought you'd already seen Man of Steel. I'm sorry for giving away the ending.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: My political opponents think I'm a ruthless dictator.

Obama: Mine think I'm the anti-Christ.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Obama: So....your BBQ with the Bush family didn't go well?

Putin: No. I asked Barbara to autograph a dollar bill. The resemblance is uncanny.

La_Randy
La_Randy

Obama: Your wife wears army boots.

Putin: Of course, I just had her drafted.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: I was in the sauna and my towel dropped.

Obama: Is that when Marcus assaulted you?

La_Randy
La_Randy

Obama: We want that Super Bowl ring back.

Putin: I lifted it fair and square. 

notsacredh
notsacredh

Obama: He's the senior senator from Arizona!

Putin: I didn't mean to call him Mr. President.



notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: You cheated us when you took us for a ride on Alaska.

Obama: Want it back? For free?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Nothing ruins a blind date faster than the shame of smegma.

notsacredh
notsacredh

But True Blood started the new season!

notsacredh
notsacredh

Obama: They're just speedbumps on the highway of love.

bobell
bobell

Nothin' to it. All you need is to follow Dubya's crashing of the economy.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Putin: If you don't let me keep the ring, I'll kidnap Santorum and Rubio.

Obama: Keep the ring. Santorum and Rubio are too valuable to the democratic party.

notsacredh
notsacredh

It was a good evening. I'm working with a young guy that I get along with really well. I finish up with him in a couple of days and then get the new guy for the next two months. As a slight aside, one of the guys at work told me this morning that the new guy reminds him of me. He said you could talk to him for a half an hour and then realize later on that he meant the exact opposite of what he said. The next two months should be fun.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Just throw out the constitution. That would be cruel and unusal punishment.

notsacredh
notsacredh

That could be one cheesy definition.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Neither Obama nor Putin were born on American soil.