Hillary: I feel like everybody I know should share this moment with me. Would somebody please roll Monica in here?
Hillary: I fell and hit my head. I heard a voice say "Mama, I'm coming home". I thought I was dying. It was just Bill playing Ozzy.
Hillary Clinton accepts a helmet from her co-workers. They were afraid to get her the Michael Myers mask.
Aide: Hillary, tell us the truth. Did Bill hit you?
Hillary: Hit me? I've been wearing his jingle bobs as earrings since the Lewinski thing.
Hillary: I'd like to thank whoever bought me the frisbee.
Aide: Hillary, that was Breaking Dawn dvd.
Hillary: It's a f'n frisbee. Hillary don't cry.
Aide: Hillary, has your memory been affected?
Hillary: Well, for the first few days Bill brought home some trailer trash and said I'd insisted on it.
Aide: Hillary, how did you fall?
Hillary: I slipped on the stairs and was hanging from the bannister by one hand. Bill tossed me our wedding phot0 and said "catch!".
Hillary: Boehner brought me a fifth of JD. It was empty though.
Boehner: They made me wait 5 minutes.
Hillary: I'd like to thank the staffer that bought me this. We're running a test now to see if he can breathe underwater.
@sacredh jingle bobs FTW.
@rabbitwocky Well played, good sir!
@sacredh She's holding the athletic cup of the staffer with the cojones to give that as a "welcome back" present.
It was the witch doctor, I tells ya!
Let's just say that I'm not surprised that you got the double meaning. You are truly twisted (compliment).
You got that right. My MIL is a fanatic and gets convinced that the rapture is imminent at least a couple of times a year. Whenever she starts in on it, I always go into her room and turn the ceiling fan above her bed on high. Even my wife thinks it's funny.
It's funny; the people most eager for it wouldn't qualify.. but don't realize it.