1,000 Words

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Department of State / Getty Images
51 comments
sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, what did President Obama get you?

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Hillary: The White House if I want it.

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: I feel like everybody I know should share this moment with me. Would somebody please roll Monica in here?

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: When I put this helmet on, I sound like Darth Vader. Somebody dial McCain's number.

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: Thank you all so much for this helmet and for the prostate exam.

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: I fell and hit my head. I heard a voice say "Mama, I'm coming home". I thought I was dying. It was just Bill playing Ozzy.

rabbitwocky
rabbitwocky

I bet she gives great helmet.  (h/t Spaceballs.)

rabbitwocky
rabbitwocky

Hillary: it's a good idea, but I don't think it will fit on Bill's head. oh, the other one?

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary Clinton accepts a helmet from her co-workers. They were afraid to get her the Michael Myers mask.

sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, is there one thing you regret the most?

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Hillary: Killing Vince Foster.

sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, tell us the truth. Did Bill hit you?

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Hillary: Hit me? I've been wearing his jingle bobs as earrings since the Lewinski thing.

rabbitwocky
rabbitwocky

Hillary: well it's a little late. where the hell were you a month ago?

sacredh
sacredh

Thanks for the "1000 Words". It's like seeing an old friend. Good times.

sacredh
sacredh

Tough as nails and twice as hard.

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: I'd like to thank whoever bought me the frisbee.

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Aide: Hillary, that was Breaking Dawn dvd.

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Hillary: It's a f'n frisbee. Hillary don't cry.

sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, there's more in box. There's a sports bra and a jockstrap.

sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, has your memory been affected?

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Hillary: Well, for the first few days Bill brought home some trailer trash and said I'd insisted on it.

sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, how did you fall?

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Hillary: I slipped on the stairs and was hanging from the bannister by one hand. Bill tossed me our wedding phot0 and said "catch!".

sacredh
sacredh

Aide: Hillary, any thoughts on 2016?

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Hillary: I won.

fitty_three
fitty_three

Hey, Sherman!

Here's Trent William's helmet!

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: Boehner brought me a fifth of JD. It was empty though.

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Boehner: They made me wait 5 minutes.

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: Next to bin Laden's head, I like this the best!

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: It's been a wonderful 4 years to have served as your President.

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: I'm going to cry. A helmet. Pizza, cigars.....BILL!!!!!!

sacredh
sacredh

Guy on the right: Hillary, Hillary, unzip my present next!

sacredh
sacredh

Hillary: I'd like to thank the staffer that bought me this. We're running a test now to see if he can breathe underwater.

fhmadvocat
fhmadvocat

Look, President Obama has made me the #1 draft pick for the White House football team!!

outsider
outsider

Omg, can it be?

Might we get an MMR too?

sacredh
sacredh

When I first saw it last night, I thought it was the fever making me see it.

sacredh
sacredh

Mini-me likes bareback.

kbanginmotown
kbanginmotown

@sacredh She's holding the athletic cup of the staffer with the cojones to give that as a "welcome back" present.

sacredh
sacredh

It's a line from "Lust in the Dust". Hilarious transvestite western.

sacredh
sacredh

Let's just say that I'm not surprised that you got the double meaning. You are truly twisted (compliment).

sacredh
sacredh

What if they gave a Rapture and nobody came?

sacredh
sacredh

Tab Hunter and Divine star in it.

sacredh
sacredh

Mine kind of ran wild and replicated.

nflfoghorn
nflfoghorn

Even Christians have a naughty gene buried within ; )

sacredh
sacredh

You got that right. My MIL is a fanatic and gets convinced that the rapture is imminent at least a couple of times a year. Whenever she starts in on it, I always go into her room and turn the ceiling fan above her bed on high. Even my wife thinks it's funny.

outsider
outsider

@sacredh 


It's funny; the people most eager for it wouldn't qualify.. but don't realize it.