1,000 Words

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Department of State / Getty Images
51 comments
notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, what did President Obama get you?

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Hillary: The White House if I want it.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: I feel like everybody I know should share this moment with me. Would somebody please roll Monica in here?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: When I put this helmet on, I sound like Darth Vader. Somebody dial McCain's number.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: Thank you all so much for this helmet and for the prostate exam.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: I fell and hit my head. I heard a voice say "Mama, I'm coming home". I thought I was dying. It was just Bill playing Ozzy.

rabbitwocky
rabbitwocky

I bet she gives great helmet.  (h/t Spaceballs.)

rabbitwocky
rabbitwocky

Hillary: it's a good idea, but I don't think it will fit on Bill's head. oh, the other one?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary Clinton accepts a helmet from her co-workers. They were afraid to get her the Michael Myers mask.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, is there one thing you regret the most?

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Hillary: Killing Vince Foster.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, tell us the truth. Did Bill hit you?

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Hillary: Hit me? I've been wearing his jingle bobs as earrings since the Lewinski thing.

rabbitwocky
rabbitwocky

Hillary: well it's a little late. where the hell were you a month ago?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Thanks for the "1000 Words". It's like seeing an old friend. Good times.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Tough as nails and twice as hard.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: I'd like to thank whoever bought me the frisbee.

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Aide: Hillary, that was Breaking Dawn dvd.

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Hillary: It's a f'n frisbee. Hillary don't cry.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, there's more in box. There's a sports bra and a jockstrap.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, has your memory been affected?

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Hillary: Well, for the first few days Bill brought home some trailer trash and said I'd insisted on it.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, how did you fall?

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Hillary: I slipped on the stairs and was hanging from the bannister by one hand. Bill tossed me our wedding phot0 and said "catch!".

notsacredh
notsacredh

Aide: Hillary, any thoughts on 2016?

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Hillary: I won.

fitty_three
fitty_three

Hey, Sherman!

Here's Trent William's helmet!

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: Boehner brought me a fifth of JD. It was empty though.

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Boehner: They made me wait 5 minutes.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: Next to bin Laden's head, I like this the best!

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: It's been a wonderful 4 years to have served as your President.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: I'm going to cry. A helmet. Pizza, cigars.....BILL!!!!!!

notsacredh
notsacredh

Guy on the right: Hillary, Hillary, unzip my present next!

notsacredh
notsacredh

Hillary: I'd like to thank the staffer that bought me this. We're running a test now to see if he can breathe underwater.

fhmadvocat
fhmadvocat

Look, President Obama has made me the #1 draft pick for the White House football team!!

outsider
outsider

Omg, can it be?

Might we get an MMR too?

notsacredh
notsacredh

When I first saw it last night, I thought it was the fever making me see it.

kbanginmotown
kbanginmotown

@sacredh She's holding the athletic cup of the staffer with the cojones to give that as a "welcome back" present.

notsacredh
notsacredh

It's a line from "Lust in the Dust". Hilarious transvestite western.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Let's just say that I'm not surprised that you got the double meaning. You are truly twisted (compliment).

notsacredh
notsacredh

What if they gave a Rapture and nobody came?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Tab Hunter and Divine star in it.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Mine kind of ran wild and replicated.

nflfoghorn
nflfoghorn

Even Christians have a naughty gene buried within ; )

notsacredh
notsacredh

You got that right. My MIL is a fanatic and gets convinced that the rapture is imminent at least a couple of times a year. Whenever she starts in on it, I always go into her room and turn the ceiling fan above her bed on high. Even my wife thinks it's funny.

outsider
outsider

@sacredh 


It's funny; the people most eager for it wouldn't qualify.. but don't realize it.