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Rick: You didn't want to do this? I lost a bet to Marcus and a rag with chloroform has my name on it.
Rick ( to himself): I wonder if I should tell Mitt that I paid Obama a million dollars to promise that he wouldn't run in 2016?
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Mitt (to himself): I wonder if I should tell Rick that some idiot gave Obama a million dollars in return for a promise not to run in 2016?
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Mitt: Can I get to first base?
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Rick: Yes.
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Mitt: Second base?
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Rick: Yes.
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Mitt: Third base?
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Rick: Jesus! Homeplate, home run, grand slam, parking concessions and the deed to the stadium. Just make your move!
Mitt: Say it!
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Rick: No. Don't wanna.
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Mitt (shaking harder): SAY IT!
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Rick: I can't!
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Mitt: Please?
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Rick: Ok. You're my daddy.
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Perry: And I thought that the stench of a baby's soiled diapers was overwhelming...
Perry: No wonder why Obama kept on saying, "Change we can believe in," last time around.
Romney: Hang on there boy. Let me fart. It will make you forget what you are going to say again.
I know I've already said it once, but this is one of the best ever "1000 Words".
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Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work I go.
Rick: Get real Mitt. I know you're having a hard time finding a VP that will make you look like a regular guy in comparison, but Voldemort? He's English for chrissakes.
Rick: I'm sorry Mitt, I don't mean to laugh, but I can't imagine you eating pizza in the Oval Office let alone getting a BJ.
Mitt: Rick, I've got something for you in my pants that is going to make you scream.
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Rick: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! YOU'VE GOT JUSTIN BEIBER TICKETS!!???
Mitt: Rick, I can't release my tax returns. Some of the things in there are beyond embarrassing. I was so mad at McCain for not picking me as VP in 2008 that I sent checks to a couple of idiots' campaigns just out of spite.
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Rick: Really? Who?
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Mitt: You and Trump.
Perry laughs as Romney offers him the position of Secretary of Hair and Boots in his administration.
Why do their apparent smiles look more like grimaces to me? Like "I cannot stand you dude." "I know the feeling is mutual you mofo."
Rick: Mitt, we can't do this again! That one time in Atlanta was a mistake.
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Romney: What about Tampa?
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Rick: That was wrong too.
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Romney: New York?
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Rick: Wrong!
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Mitt: Cleveland?
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Rick: I was DRUNK!
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Mitt: LA?
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Rick : Jesus, I'd forgotten about that one. You were an ANIMAL!
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Mitt: Phoenix?
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Rick: Phoenix? Oh yeah? I was on painkillers. That one doesn't count.
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Mitt: Denver?
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Rick: Kobe talked us into it.
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Mitt: Pittsburgh?
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Rick: Ben.
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Mitt: Seattle:
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Rick: We couldn't turn down Paul Allen and all that money!
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Mitt: Houston?
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Rick: That was you?
Mitt: Rick, I need a running mate that will seal the deal and get me elected.
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Rick: God will help in the South, but you're still not going to take the North East or the West Coast.
