1,000 Words

I knew Elmo was the wingman.

This group hug was brought to you by the letters G, O, and P
and by the number $38,500,000,000.

[insert Decon and her swear words here ]

Actually, I think he looks bummed that he’s getting thirds…

The official TeaParty Greeting for Michele and friends.

Cookie: Me hug big-boned one. STRONG woman! Cut circulation off.
Tully: That’s not what Monica said.
Elmo: Elmo settle for Dr. Jill. She’s like Dr. Phil, and she’s less nasty.
So, Dr. Jill, does he go to sleep on YOU, too??

He’s only three – he can’t ‘perform’ yet.

Unbeknownst to anyone amid all the laughter, Boehner, Cantor and McConnell took the first and second ladies hostage.

OMG you are on a roll!

Beck Spin: “Next up: exclusive footage of Michelle Obama cavorting ON STAGE with NUDE PERFORMERS. Is THIS a message that the First Lady thinks is appropriate for YOUR CHILDREN?!?”

Elmo: What’s this thing called the Tootsie Roll?

Michelle: For the first time in my life, I feel like a real American.
Cookie: That what HE said.

Wait’ll they arrest ‘em for child solicitation….

(psst… his swear words, don’t read too many of rusty’s comments. He’s the one who can’t tell anything apart: genders, races, etc. …remember his quote about Virginia Thomas being black?)
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Elmo can’t decide whose ass to grab. Lucky bastard: first all over Katy Perry’s chest, now this. Fame has its rewards…
http://www.hulu.com/watch/180974/saturday-night-live-bronx-beat
(skip to 3:07 for the good stuff)

H is for —-on,
That’s good enough for me….

My bad – too busy ROTF

Oh, I thought that was the First Two Couples indulging their furry roleplay fantasies in public while fooling the public and media into thinking differently, my bad.

“The ladies’ first foray into hallucinogenic drug use was a weird – if happy – experience.”

“Elmo was left hug-less due to Speaker Boehner’s indecision over whether to send his wife or his mistress to the event.”

Kermit and Miss Piggy decide to skip meeting those White House foreign socialists and instead go on a date to see the movie Atlas Shrugeed.

decon: That SNL skit was *priceless*. Thanks for the reminder. And, thanks for the shout-out the other day.

Elmo hugs the imaginary Paul Ryan Budget that will perform miracles for everyone except people with a regular job support your average American family and whispers ‘Elmo thinks it was very brave of you, tihiii’

(cookie monster voice): Cookie Monster have monster of his own…

Atlas Shrugged, that is, and only Part One at that. Who is John Glo Worm? Or Midas Snuffleupagus?

Some women squeeze the monsters purple and blue

“Atlas Shrugeed”? Is that the Greek/Jordanian waiter at the Middle-Eastern restaurant down the street?

‘It’s HUGE’ exclaims Trump hugging Michele Obama, while trying out a new rug.

(Elmo Voice): Awww…nice lady doesn’t make Elmo’s shirt eyes bug out like other nice lady…

kbang, that is the name of the Mid-East restaurant. Great falafel, but alas, they don’t trust / don’t accept US fiat paper money. Something about not enough gold to back it up. They only accept payment in counterfeit “In Galt We Trust” gold coins. Or Confederate currency.

Is it just me, or is Michelle putting on a few LBs?? Is she not following her own healthy eating advice? Not that I’m judging, but shouldn’t you practice what you preach? Just sayin’….

You’re welcome, kbang. Too bad Sesame Street didn’t allow Katy Perry on the air. How else can people learn about the human body? She could help Cookie Monster sing the alphabet: “B is for Boobies. They’re good enough for me….”

That’s all muscle

In a related development, Ernie and Bert were guests on the Ellen show.

And suddenly, it was discovered that the “Sexually Harass Me Elmo” prototype needed tweaking.

“Elmo Says…at least in Elmo’s World, numbers are real!”

“Alas, Diddle-Me Boehner passed out before the event after consuming one Hooper’s Super Duper Sundae too many.”

L O F’n L !

It’s the BBQ ribs she had the other week. Just ask Rush…

Disguised as Elmo, James O’Keefe takes secret video of PBS- Michelle Obama talks.

Diddle-Me Boehner
Piddle-Me Vitter
Hit-on-me Spitzer
Tickle-Me Massa
…
The list just goes on…

“Diogenes Blew It Off”?
“Nike Just Did It”?
“Mercury Took Off”?
“Aphrodite Frigid”?

Michelle: Does this blue monster make my butt look big?
Prez: ………………………………….
………………………………………….
………perhaps a little.

Actually I’m kinda glad Elmo got jobbed – every time he talks I want to fling him head-first against the wall. Maybe THEN he’ll start using the pronoun “I” instead of this third-person baloney.

Can’t be the watermelons. No calories…

I wanna see ‘em on “No or Go”.
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Better yet:
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Wipeout!

I move that we create a SacredH Award for Best in 1000 Words.
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I also would like to nominate foghorn to win it.

Elmo’s hugging Donna Shalala AND Robert Reich.

Michelle: Psssst….Jill. I’ve got a live one here. Cookie Monster just unhooked my bra.

Sesame Street hoes.

The right wing conservatives were correct after all. Once gay marriages were legalized and DADT was repealed, women started consorting outside of their species.

Michelle: Excuse me? What do you mean when you say that you’re the Nookie Monster now?

Jill: Yes, yes… you’re swollen and purple. I know what you are.

I TOLD Michelle not to wear those skin-tight plastic panties. You fart and it looks like your ass swelled up.

The Tea Party ups the ante with their new costumes.

Jill: Back off. I killed Barney and I’d like to blow your ass away too. Nothing personal…I just hate purple.

“Actually I’m kinda glad Elmo got jobbed – every time he talks I want to fling him head-first against the wall.”
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LOL. The way the Teletubbies talk makes me want to pet them with a hatchet.

Elmo (to himself): Be cool. Just be cool. Tell them you voted for their husbands and then ask them if they have any heroin.