1,000 Words

Sacredh, you’ve upset your MIL for the last time….

Remember rule #2: Double tap

The Passion of the Close Encounters

Uh-oh…overhead fly-over

Is exclaiming “Jesus Christ!” a vain swear or a realization?

Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Y’heard, Beck, Rush and Shannity?

POTUS: I wonder if Brazil would accept funds to build a high-speed rail line up here …

Where’s his birth certificate??? This Bethlehem manger crap isn’t cutting it with some people.

Messiah! I thought you said Pariah!
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never mind……..

“if i weren’t an atheist muslim, i’d be impressed”

Jesus finally comes back and says

Okay, what about turn thy other cheek, feed the poor, the rich will have a @sshard time to get into heaven, render unto ceaser and the fact that I never talked about g@y people don’t you f**kers understand?

Glenn Beck on his road show.

Okay, combining The Rapture™ with “Night of the Living Dead” is NOT a good idea….

Who ya gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS!!!

You cuss like a carpenter

…actually I like “Dawn of the Dead” even more. This clip shows a tour of the real mall (Monroeville Mall, east of Pittsburgh, have been there) Visiting a genuine empty “dead mall” is quite a trip. If anyone who’s lived in upper NY can remember Champlain Centre South in Plattsburgh, he or she would know (I toured it before its demolition).

So some dude named Brian needs to stretch and then mutters a few words. What’s the worst that could happen?
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Growing weary of the liberal’s continued assault on religion, Christ appears and reminds the world …”mock me at your own peril”.
Moveon.org immediately issues a statement denouncing his appearance and calls it a stunt designed to infringe on personal choice!

Joe Klein: “Sheesh. Those bloggers and interns are visiting the journalism temple again. Wish they’d build a statue to me.”
Karen Tumulty: “Want to have mine?”

Glenn Beck gets turned into a pillar of salt….

One fine foggy evening, Michael Scherer walks up to Trump’s statue in front of Trump Plaza. He’s about to interview him….

“There really is a 900-foot Jesus over Tulsa Oklahoma…Oral was actually right…”

Christians don’t realize that the prophecy that he comes back as a lion meant that he’s p!ssed for them missing the very highlighted points he spent preaching about.

Obama finally tires of people making fun of his mojo and turn himself white and everyone else black.

If that thing were alive, He would have his own sewage treatment plant

Christ said to the Obamas;
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Yeah, I came to you since every single time I try and talk to the Republicans they always ask to speak to Ronald Reagan’s ghost instead. How many times do I have to tell them that that schmuckis purgatory until 2289

What?

You didn’t know I called people “shmucks”?

I’m Jewish, of course I vote for Democrats and call Reagan a stupid fckng Shmuck!

Working hard to restore that rock star image.

Oh, and by the way… that matzo bread you Christians serve in the churches…. Who’d you get to cook that stuff! It tastes like cardboard!
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Why don’t you just serve bagels and locks instead?

Voice from the heavens as the Obama’s approach the statue:

I died to cut cut taxes. I died to make sure that corporate taxes were down to nothing. I died to shut down welfare and all of your favorite little goodies for the undeserving. I died to make sure that military spending was enormous.

Obama:

John Boehnor, Put down that megaphone. I’d know your annoying voice anywhere!

Reminds me of another Swamp winner — Big Butter Jesus or Touchdown Jesus. Couldn’t find the Swampland posts, but here is a link to a news story. And, someone (kbang, maybe?) posted a link to the song.

http://www.inquisitr.com/75869/big-butter-jesus/

Even has its own wikipedia article –

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_Kings_(statue)

I leave for work before 7, go straight from work to a friend’s house to help him and when I get home there’s a “1000 Words” with the Big Guy? Thank you Jesus. And Michael.

David Stern: And with the 1st pick in the 2011 NBA draft the Cleveland Cavailers select….Jesus of Nazareth!

Jesus: I’m taking my talents to South Beach. I can work miracles, but bringing a championship to Cleveland is beyond even my abilities

GODzilla sends his only son to wreck havoc among the sinners.

Carol Ann! Stay away from the light!

Jesus serves a 3 game suspension from MLB for testing positive for HGH.

Jesus: For my next card trick…

Jesus: Verily I say unto you my children….Dude! Get your face out of my crotch! I’m all things to all people but I’m not into that!

Betty
I tell you, it was a miracle, Mike!
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Mike
What? I missed it!
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Betty
A giant hand came down out of the fog and just…just…flicked that cone hat right offa Rush’s head!
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Charlie
I found it! It’s right here! Give me a boost so I can put it back on. Rush must be getting cold…

Woman with hands on hips: Damn you! I wanted a blu-ray player for Christmas. What the hell am I going to do with a VCR?

Jesus: Somehow I was expecting the Rapture to include more people.

Eeeeeewwww!
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Hey! Quiet down. They didn’t call it hayzoos for nothing, you know…

Guy in the middle: Glenda of the North or Jesus, that f**king bubble is impressive.

Right.
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Now where’s Beck’s?

Jesus: For my final number I’d like to dedicate this song to…

Guy in the middle interrupting: FREE BIRD!

And where’s God’s dog, whose name be Dog?

too easy.

Jesus: Before you pass into Heaven, you must first answer this question:

WHAT is your favorite color?

McCain (down front): Get off of my lawn!

Jesus: I caught a fish THIS BIG!

Jesus: Knock knock.

Lady with hands on hips: Well, don’t just stand there! Say something! American Idol comes on in 20 minutes.

God:
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Who’s there?

Jesus: To protect my chldren from evil, I’m the one that made the Donald’s hair look like that.

Jesus: Interrupting duck.

The force is strong in that one.

Jesus: Well…whaddya think? Mom made it herself because I couldn’t find anything in my size.

Jesus: I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You know that Carly Simon song “You’re So Vain”? Mick Jagger. You know that Norman Greenbaum song “Spirit In The Sky”?…..ME!

God:
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Interrupting duck who?

Guy in the middle: He’s just showing off. Don’t pay any attention to him and he’ll go away.

Jesus (interrupting): Quackquackquackquack

…he even takes the tired, the poor, and the hungry. You’re right. Too easy.

Lady on the right: He ripped this off from a Flaming Lips concert.

God:
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You’re as immature as that Wisconsin cheese I saw on that commercial!
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And just as irritating!
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Click
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Crack
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BOOOOOOM

blows smoke from finger
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That’ll fix him.

Jesus: I know some of you were expecting to see Pat Robertson here in Heaven, but guess what? He never f**King made it! Hahahahaha. You should have seen his face. Priceless.

Old Testament. Without a doubt.

Easiest “1000 Words” ever.

Jesus: Anybody got some Neosporin and an aspirin? These holes in my hands hurt like a b!tch.

Q: Who has holes in his hands and sings “Oh Lonesome Me”?

A: Jesus of Nashville.

Guy in the middle: You think this is impressive? Wait until the laser hits it. It turns into a disco ball and spins.

Jesus: Stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive…whoo whoo whoo

Lady on the left: I was expecting something a little more profound.

Jesus: 53_3 and sacredh….I’ve got one nerve left and you two are getting on it!

sacredh: 53_3! Get your thumbs out of your ears and quit wiggling your fingers at Him. He looks p!ssed!

A little OT, but I watched Hereafter a few days ago. The opening 10 minutes were worth the price of the disc.

I just realized that it’s Obama in the middle.

Obama: You think you were forsaken? Try talking to the progressive wing of my party.

Obama: Thank you Jesus for Palin, Bachmann and Trump. Now if you could just make Romney and Pawlenty irresistible to each other, there’s a c-note in it for you.

Barack: Michelle, will you PLEASE take those cans of spray paint off of the girls? Huckabee is going to sh!t if he sees it.

The Meeting of the Messiahs.

Obama: I’m more popular than Jesus Christ.

Ghost of John Lennon: Sssshhhhh.

Michael, thank you for the “1000 Words”. It is a classic.

Michelle: For the first time in my life, I am really proud to be a Christian.

Wasn’t that the Statue of Liberty? I did mean that the picture was too easy. If I wasn’t a lock for hell before, this “1000 Words” should seal the deal.

It’s been a long day. Good night.

One final thing…MS, FTW.

Jesus: Sacred, Don’t you make me get off this Cross, I’m tellin’ you! You keep this up and I’m gettin’ off of this cross and going Old Testament on your ass! Don’t you make me get off this cross!

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34
If they do know…then may God have mercy on their mortal souls.

Obama: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do…. they’re just confused members of the Tea Party who do not really know what they will do to the poor.