1,000 Words

And this is where the death panelists sit!

Okay, Mr. American Taxpayer. It is time for your annual tax checkup. If you think the denist is bad, wait for what I have in store for you!

Guy walking in: I’m here for my prostate exam.

“Please place your seatbacks and tables in the fully-upright and stowed position. And thank you for flying Southwest Airlines.”

Pelosi: I’m not a witch. I’m you.

Guy in back: Let’s wait until the surgery is over before making any claims. I’m hoping for something a little sexier.

Pelosi: Get your ass in here and put your feet in the stirrups. Scooch down and say “ah”.

Thanks, Jay, much appreciated….
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Pelosi: “Thanks, Mitt! Your original RomneyCare™ plan helped inspire to pass this not-perfect-but-it’s-a-start ACA…”
Mittens: trying to sneak out “JFC, Nancy, I’m trying NOT to let anyone know that, goddamit….”

One of the RW trolls here (pick one) is being escorted to the dentist’s chair after being sedated …no wait, the new dentist looks like… oh no …OMFG, it’s no AFD joke …it’s HER… Nancy! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Quid pro quo: Nancy checks out his prostate; he checks out her uterus (just can’t say the word).

Nancy’s offering you “free” (taxpayer-provided) dental service on board her Air Force transport plane. Scherer behind her is pondering the offer.

Pelosi: Hello. My name is Nancy. I’ll be your dominatrix for this evening. When you leave here a haz-mat team will be cleaning your blood and other bodily fluids from the floors and walls. We accept VISA, Mastercard and of course cash from those who wish not to leave a trail other than blood.

Now what is it going to take to get YOU into this chair?

Pelosi: Coffee, tea or me?

Guy in back: I like my coffee bitter…just like you FORMER Speaker Pelosi.

Nancy: “You know, Rusty, I have been waiting especially for you!”

Pelosi: Hi. I’m Nancy Pelosi. I was the first female Speaker of the House. I’m still a house member, but during my free time I like to yank the teeth out of people’s heads with pliers and no novocaine. It’s fun and the screams relax me.

“Sit down, John. Looks like there’s something wrong with your smile. Are those tea stains?”

Nancy’s new profession:
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She even has a new German accent she has been trained with;
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Sign in the front of building

“New-life Libtard Lobotomy Clinic”

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“Velcome. Just sit and rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrelax. I promise it von’t hurts you.”
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Sen. Vitter’s cleanup should be a breeze: just toss the diapers.

Guy in back: Goddammit Nancy! I’ve got another patient coming in here in just a minute. Quit fondling the leather.

Look who got into the tank of sweet air.

Please rest here Speaker Boehner. Relax and tell me how you’re going to provide us 15 million jobs.

Pelosi: Hi, I’m Nancy Pelosi. I’m here in the house democrats dentist’s office. We have the latest equipment and everything is surgery room clean. Because of the pressure put on him by the freshman teabaggers, the republicans are getting their teetth done in a back alley with coat-hangers.

The Florida House R rep. who led the ban on the word “uterus” (thanks, Amy for posting that) thinks he’s getting a routine dental cleaning. Alas, instead Dr. Pelosi is about to start the hormonal treatments and surgery that will literally turn him into a woman, complete with uterus. That way, s/he’ll know what it’s like when the glass slipper is on the other foot….

John: No the brown stain is sh!t. Those f’n freshman are still making me kiss their asses everytime I turn around.

“My God, John, even your teeth are orange.”

JNS, thank you for the “1000 Words”. Excellent choice. I was afraid we wouldn’t get that picture of Gadaffi I wanted.

Rocky Horror, 2011.

Sit right here, Sarah. It’s time to drill, baby, drill.

Guy in back: Excuse my interruption. I think I’m in the wrong room.

Nancy: The nipple torture room is next door. It’s the one with the line going around the corner.

“Sometimes I’m even mistaken for Linda Tripp.”

“I told you that we would have to pass the bill so that you could find out what was in it.”

[guy in background] “Where’s the Kleenex? You know, so I can blow my nose.”

Your First Exam Under ObamaCare.

Sit down, bend forward grasp your ankles and kiss you a$$ goodbye!

Pelosi: *snicker* Perhaps I should have told Boehner that the cushions were white before he started coming here for tanning sessions…

Thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot to send in my check to “Save the Whales”.

Pelosi: This is the new Tea Bagger dentist’s chair that spe…spea…ssspeaker Boehner had installed. Phew! It’s electric.

Pelosi: It’s not your nose and that’s not snot, but the Kleenex box is on the other side on the table.

Ftw.

…as earljr1 peeks around the corner, smiling in anticipation…

As you can tell by the upholstery, we only serve Republicans in this part of the clinic.
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This, is Mittens’ very own chair. See how nice and clean things are kept here?
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Every one else? Oh. They have to go out back to that shack you saw behind the toxic waste drums…

Pelosi: Hello and welcome to the first season of “Survivor: Dentist’s Chair”. If you think C-SPAN is hard to watch…well…you’re right, but this show is going to have blood, vomit, screaming kids and an occassional loss of bowel control. Hey! Don’t blame me. You idiots will watch anything. You watch Beck don’t you?

This? (dreamy voice) This is my happy place…..

This newfangled transporter would save me thousands of dollars in fuel costs from Washington to my district. Too bad it conks out around Iowa.

Please God, please tell me that we are putting her in virtual reality.

I opened the door and you…YOU….

No more buttocks – laughed it off.

It was just as the man was coming out of the bathroom when she began her striptease. Even Joan Rivers’ Super Bowl commercial couldn’t have been more of a deterrent for teen abstinence.

Mitt actually exclaimed BFY: Brigham F. Young

That’s called in-ewww-tero.

…kicked that sucker wide open and started firing.

I don’t get invited to that many places because of all that “morals” nonsense.

She shimmied out of her panties, threw them against the wall and then watched in horror as they made a loud splat and slid slowly down to the floor leaving a trail that would put a snail’s to shame.

nfl, I’m not a religious person, but the first time I saw Linda Tripp I thought “God really has to hate a person to do that to them”.

Nancy (to herself): Once I get him out I’m going to check his voter registration card. If he’s a republican I’ll be wearing his jingle-bobs as earrings.

Hello, my name is Mary Belltway. You might think you recognize me, but you really don’t. I’m a dental technician but I work on weekends as a Nancy Pelosi impersonator. I’m available for fundraisers, parties and personal massages. Use your imagination! I’m up for it if the price is right. The number is 555-6465. Call now and get a discount if you hire my husband Mark too. He looks just like Joe Biden.

Guy in back: OK Nancy, that sounded good. Call it a wrap. Joe’s ready for his shot.

Welcome to Crazy Gideon’s Used Furniture: Here is our newest staff member diplaying one of her personal favorites, the reclining motorized spinning chair. She says that it’s great for producing those short hallucinations when you want to see Nazis at a Tea Party rally, or those long summer daze of watching the astro turf grow.

A rare glimspe of the most pathetic creature on earth: Nancy Pelosi’s stalker.

This brain erasing session won’t take long. Soon you will be able to understand and converse with every Democrat. Just come in a have a seat. Don’t mind Mr Jones. He just had a special session for members of the MSM. He’s still a bit disorientated.

This is the chair I sat in when they did the frontal lobotomy.

For an extra $20 Jack will photograph our encounter today.

Yes Mrs Pelosi, SIT in the chair.

I know I said take the chair, but not everything is about your ambition.

OK, but this is the LAST time I am administering deep forehead botox. I know, I know, it gives you that tingly brain freeze.

Plant your Asstroturf here!

Nancy Pelosi, “The biggest bang for the buck”

Another Senior Moment: “we call call it astroturf”

Take a seat Nancy want to ask a few questions. It’s our enhanced interogation.

Edit: Take a seat Nancy wants to ask a few questions. We call it our “Enhanced Interogation.”

Umm, I love naugehyde. It’s so geniune, just like me.

Does this model come with…

Welcome to the Nancy Pelosi mind simulator: The Elected Kool Aid Acid Test.
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By far what I find the most fun with 1K words is reading a comment without looking at the poster then trying to guess who wrote it. I used to be able to tell a sacredh without a problem…. not anymore. The rest of you have really stepped up your game and your ability to disgust but amuse. Good job!
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Still easy to tell the trolls though… thanks for killing the thread LMD.

elwaitactu8, I agree 100%. Alice Cooper had an album titled “Welcome to My Nightmare”. I’m going to paraphrase it and say “Welcome to My Gutter”. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve read some of their captions and thought “That’s sick. I wish I would have thought of it first”.

Pelosi: I’m here today to speak to the southern conservative female legislators, or the “Dixie Chicks” as we’ve fondly named them to help their careers.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the chair where liberal fantasies come true. The anesthesia blocks reality, (and pain) you can soar with the eagles and fly with Barry to never-never land.
You can spend yourself silly, hear nary a word of caution and best of all, it will not cost you a red cent….the taxpayer picks up the whole tab…….wheeee!!

From someone that cannot even come up with a headline. But, first class job of being a crybaby.

That was meant for 51. See what you made me do.

Nancy gives good head rest.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2011/04/02/135065990/stephen-colbert-sings-rebecca-blacks-youtube-hit-friday-for-charity
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O/T
Funny video of Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon doing the awful viral video song “Friday”. It is for there good cause, supplies for classrooms to assist teachers.
Donors Choose.
The link is to NPR, righties be careful.

That was pretty good. I liked that one.

Pelosi: Monica Lewinski sat in this very chair and had two teeth filled. The next time she had a tool in her mouth, President Clinton got impeached.

The only time I jump in on opposition comments if they are artless and Little Red Tractor-ish.
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Yours are actually funny!

Pelosi: Two does walk into a bar, have a few drinks and leave an hour later. One doe looks at the other and says “I can’t believe we blew 30 bucks in there”.

Guy in back: Uh, Nancy…this was supposed to be a dental care public service announcement for NPR.

Pelosi: Nobody listens to NPR and they sure as hell don’t pay any attention to me. It’ll be fine.