1,000 Words

Graph: We are doing NOTHING to solve things.
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Photo: Testers found that his SPF was more then 3,000 times the safe limit.

The reporter in white clicks on the remote controlling the John Boehner robot and he launches into his programmed talking points: “Tax cuts… tax cuts… Obama ‘s a socialist… libtards… jet engine… tax cuts….”

Is she catching tears to sell for his reelection campaign?

They’re testing Boehner for Japanese radiation. Yep, he’s well protected from all that tanning.

Mr Speaker: How does it feel to have an all-female posse with you?

Cheney said that they grey thing don’t matter. Red meat does.

they=the

“Ladies – when I said it’s big we suggested a slightly adjusted size but the liberals insisted a more accurate model of our fiscal impotence.”

That one on the right makes an ugly lady. :/

Okay, if anyone asks any tough questions, shine that laser pointer in their eyes.

Maybe those reporters should ask Scott Adams the same question…
http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Dilbert-Creators-Blog-Makes-Women-Furious-118678874.html

Adam Sorenson:
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Would you agree then that if we were to replace the proposed cuts with an equal amount of money directed toward subsidizing rural (read “real”) America, the graph would be exactly the same?
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Would you also leave the title unchanged?
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Do you think WaPo would publish it and gloss over the real issues behind the impasse?
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Never mind. I think some lady just blinded me with a laser pointer…

Oh, squeeze Louise…

Not now, ladies, I’m late for my tan ti–I mean, tea time.

Guess we won’t be getting that Aflac duck voice gig

Reporter in White: whispers “Psst, John, look down…”
The white pregnancy test strip dangled in front of him reads positive.
Boehner: “Oh, sht…” starts crying
Other Reporters: “Oh Amy, that Boehner, there he goes again.”
“Yeah, Katy, he’s always crying about something, whatever.”

No thanks…the truck just rolled in and I’ve got enough packs of cigarettes for the whole chamber.

“No thanks…the truck just rolled in and I’ve got enough PACs for the whole chamber.”
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Adjusted for you.

As the gaggle of reporters flock like geese to Bohner, the biggest question on their minds “what do you think about what Chuckie Schumer said yesterday”.
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But don’t let anyone let these facts get in the way. While Rome burns, the liberals all laugh and dance, tell jokes and otherwise are oblivious to our fiscal problems.
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The same day that the House GOP voted to cut $6 billion, our national debt jumped up by $72 billion.
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An analogy: If every penny represents $1 billion, our national debt plus current deficit equals 15,800 pennies. The GOP has removed 10 pennies so far. That’s it. And the Democrats wanted to remove about 4 and 1/2 pennies for the rest of the fiscal year, which ends in October.
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The national debt is over $14.2 trillion while we borrow about $4 billion every single day. This doesn’t include unfunded liabilities.
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$10 Billion in cuts is equal to 0.07% of the national debt. That’s less than 1/10th of 1%!!!
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The current deficit is projected to reach $1.6 trillion – just for this fiscal year.
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Our deficit for the single month of February (the shortest month of the year!) was $223 billion – the largest deficit in our history.
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We would have to invest $60 trillion right now to cover the current unfunded liabilities of our federal government, including the debt and current deficit. In other words, we need $60 trillion today to keep the promises of payments made by politicians who will be long gone when the bills come due.
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Every single US man, woman, and child owes almost $200,000 to pay for the deficit + debt + unfunded liabilities.

Read more: http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2011/03/30/morning-must-reads-alternative/#ixzz1I6qo3niP

Actually, these aren’t reporters. They’re Boehner staffers recording every word, collecting every tear. Some material is used for daily emails to RW blog trolls to mindlessly post at media sites. Most of the rest is being saved for the future John Boehner Congressional Library in Cincinnati.
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Flash forward: Boehner’s library inauguration –
http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/07/07/1000-words-16/

thread killer

Cut half of the $1 Trillion total defense budget and that big gray line doesn’t look so daunting.
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http://www.cdi.org/friendlyversion/printversion.cfm?documentID=4600

But, never fear, rusty spelled his name “Bohner”!
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Freudian slip, perhaps?

Boehner immediately departed for Japan via Raygun National once scientists confirmed he could turn on the tear ducts for the reactors.

Boehner embarks on another listening-but-not-hearing-you tour.

I lean toward Faustian.

It’s all about the size of the ‘gavel’

Looks like protests moving to New Hampshire over budgets cuts……..things are heating up…

http://nakedempire2.blogspot.com/

Middle East: Protests
Middle U.S. to East U.S.: Protests
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What were the chances?

The graph clearly illustrates the democrats willingness to spend this country into bankruptcy and this is unconscionable…….if there was ever a time for a change of direction, this is it!

Lady in white blouse (to herself): Maybe his dick will give me a quote that makes sense.

Reporters:

Speaker Boehner, what do you like to drink before breakfast?

Mr. Boehner, what do you like to drink before lunch?

Speaker Boehner, are you drunk now?

Mr. Boehner, how much do you drink during lunch?

Speaker Boehner, when do you get down to serious drinking?

Speaker Boehner: Ladies! Ladies! All these questions are making me thirsty!

Can you believe the attention we are getting for doing nothing about the deficit?
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Isn’t compromise great?

See, size doesn’t matter.

The Russian spy in the back is blasting the new Speaker with crazy vibration waves captured from Nancy Pelosi.

Reporters:

Mr. Boehner, Is it time to compromise with the democrats?

Mr Boehner, is it time to focus on jobs like you promised?

Speaker Boehner, is it time to finally work on a new budget?

Speaker Boehner: The sun’s up. It’s Miller time.

Reporter: Speaker Boehner, is there any truth to the rumor that Rick Rubin is going to produce the remake of your next single “Crying Time”?

Reporter: Speaker Boehner, when you were young, did you have any idea how much your life would change?

Boehner: It’s beyond my wildest dreams. When I was young I had to sweep in the bar. I’m so powerful now that they let me sleep in the bar.

Boehner: Who am I going to back for the presidential nomination? Probably Mitch Daniels. I’m a big fan of his father Jack.

Now Republicans care about deficits?
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Wait until the only mathematical conclusion by sane people includes tax increases and Republicans will go right back to a total lack of concern about the deficit.

Woman in white blouse pointing and saying to herself “Is that why they call him ‘Mr. Boner’? - damn am I disappointed.”.

The staffers with the tan-o-meter concludes – “speaker – you’re definately toast’.

Lady in white: Here’s your fifty back John. Good blow.