1,000 Words

1,000 Words

By Alex Altman | @aaltman82 | March 24, 2011 | +

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    When President Obama endorsed gay marriage earlier this month, the media grappled with two basic political questions: Was his personal “evolution” a case of  a politician transparently following a national trend toward accepting same-sex unions (accelerated, perhaps, by his chatty number two), and would it hurt his re-election chances by alienating socially conservative voters like black churchgoers? Sure, there was a recognition that it marked a gratifying moment for gay marriage advocates—as well as some grumbling about the President’s view that it remains a state issue, not a federal one. But by and large, there were few suggestions that one man, even the President, would shift public opinion on the issue or affect public policy. Based on a new Public Policy Polling survey out of Maryland, it seems this possibility was underestimated.

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  • gadsbys

    Have I ever showed you my centerfold in Playboy General?

  • http://grapemusing.blogspot.com/ grape_crush

    “No, General, I don’t think this dress would fit you…”

  • http://grapemusing.blogspot.com/ grape_crush

    “Stop with that hideous grinning or we shall hit you upside of your head with our book.”

  • deconstructiva

    Her Majesty: Why, Call of Duty 3… thank you, except I already have this. Call of Duty: Black Ops is where it’s at now, dear.
    Petraeus: Actually, where I’ve been is where it’s at.

  • http://grapemusing.blogspot.com/ grape_crush

    “Now, about the security arrangements for our grandson’s wedding…”

  • deconstructiva

    Her Majesty shows off her autographed advanced copy of TIME reporter Catherine Mayer’s book Amortality. Petraeus wants it but she won’t let him have it. They end up fighting and wrestling on the floor over it, literally. Alas, the High Sheriffs won’t allow that photo to be published here.

  • http://grapemusing.blogspot.com/ grape_crush

    “…And if you play it backwards, you can hear someone say, ‘Paul is dead’…”

  • deconstructiva

    Now if only they can tell William and Harry apart…
    http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8225833/botched-royal-wedding-mug-most-likely-viral-scam
    …okay, that was likely a prank, but imagine if Kate (Her Future Royal Highness, not Pickert) changed her mind and married the other brother. Or just goes for broke and does a royal three-way, literally. The UK media would likely choose a more delicate term like “lovely trio” or similar. Now if only we had a real royal family to read about every day. The Palins and the Kardashians do NOT count…
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1368784/More-Bridget-Jones-Waity-Katie-Royal-bride-Miss-Middleton-cries-wine-glass-dumped-Prince-William-according-U-S-film.html

  • deconstructiva

    Sir Paul (out of camera view): I’m not dead… I’m not dead… I’m getting better… I don’t want to go on the cart… I think I’ll go for a walk… I feel happy. I feel happy!

  • deconstructiva

    Gen Petraeus lectures the Queen on the earnestness of being important. Yes, she really is rolling her eyes in that photo while muttering, “Damn Yankees….”
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/defence-and-security-blog/2011/mar/23/david-petraeus-tells-a-joke

  • Cookie Puss

    “Say hello to Buddy Cole for me.”

  • deconstructiva

    During Gen Petraeus’ UK visit he drops off a Royal Wedding gift for William and Kate – matching pajamagrams – and a special gift for Her Majesty: a Snuggie. He wanted to go the Victoria’s Secret route for the Queen but was talked out of it. Too bad.

  • deconstructiva

    The Queen wouldn’t let Petraeus swipe her autographed Gang of Four CD either.

  • paulejb

    “Gen Petraeus, tell your President to get his head out of his fundament.”

  • http://grapemusing.blogspot.com/ grape_crush

    “S-u-u-ure you’re the Queen of England. Now put down the nice book and let’s go back to the place that gives you the happy pills…”

  • http://grapemusing.blogspot.com/ grape_crush

    “…no, I don’t mean Rush Limbaugh’s mansion…”

  • deconstructiva

    Petraeus: Your Highness, my dad gave me this in my college days. It’s my copy but in the spirit of friendship between our two nations I want you to have this. Think of us every time you play this with the Royal Family….
    Her Majesty: rolls eyes
    http://www.cnbc.com/id/38107202/BP_The_Board_Game

  • deconstructiva

    Petraeus: Your Highness, I may spend most of my time in the field keeping our nations safe from terrorism but I do stay on top of current events. I think you’ll like McCain and Palin as Presidents once they win the election. Congrats on the Royal Wedding, Ms. Pickert will make a lovely bride. Tell Prime Minister Blair I’ll personally send him back some pomegranates; Afghan ones are the best. And please send Diana my love.
    Her Majesty: rolls eyes Damn Yankees….

  • deconstructiva

    Petraeus: Ok, Mum, I’m back. Here’s the Call of Duty: Black Ops you wanted. Now about that Saif Gaddafi home overrun by squatters. Want us to drop a few drones on ‘em? A no-fly zone over Hampstead? Whatshisname back at the White House says we gotta leave Libya soon and turn ‘em over to you all, so we’ll need something to do….
    Her Majesty: Is your trip over already? How soon will you go?
    http://www.thenational.ae/news/worldwide/middle-east/squatters-seize-saif-qaddafis-dh66m-luxury-london-home

  • deconstructiva

    Petraeus: Your Highness, give MI6 my highest regards. Their intelligence work in Afghanistan and Libya are without parallel; we couldn’t done any better. Give Agent 007 my personal thanks too. He really should’ve married Vesper Lynd but I tell ya, that martini he created is one helluva drink. And I hope you like that copy of Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue. She autographed that herself at my request. She’d like to come visit you too.
    Her Majesty: Wait… this is a copy of… who is this? Tim Paw….lenty? Who the hell is he?
    Petareus: Oh, oopsie. All those book covers look alike, whatever. I’m sure his book is good too. Wait, he’s running for President too? I thought he was still governor of Wisconsin.
    Her Majesty: Is he the guy on those paper towel rolls?

  • sacredh

    Her Majesty: $50 bucks for a straight blowjob and $100 if I have to swallow. Do I LOOK cheap to you?

  • sacredh

    General Petraeus: I’ve never met a queen before.
    .
    Her Majesty: They don’t all wear crowns you putz. Some of them look just like you.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: If I may be of any service at all, you have but to ask.

    Her Majesty: I have to take a dump. Where’s the head?
    F**king Taco Bell always gives me the sh!ts.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: I’m sure you’re thrilled about the upcoming wedding.

    Her Majesty: He was getting the milk for free. Why marry the cow?

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: I would be honored if you would autograph the book and give it to me as a gift.

    Her Majesty: I’d like to use your ears like a steering wheel while you munched the carpet too, but it ain’t gonna’ happen.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: I would like you to read me a story until I fall asleep.

    Her Majesty: Everybody dies horribly and nobody lives happily ever after. The end. Goodnight. Get out.

  • sacredh

    Her Majesty: Do you know how Pinnocchio found out that he was made of wood?

    Petraeus: No. How?

    Her Majesty: His hand caught fire.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: Did you see that gigantic moon the other night?

    Her Majesty: Yeah. Rush bent over when he dropped his oxys and made everyone sick.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: Another 50 pounds and you could pass for Barbara Bush.

    Her Majesty: Oh yeah? Another couple of stripes on your jacket and you could pass for William Rehnquist.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: Is there any message that you would like me to pass on to President Obama?

    Her Majesty: Yeah. Tell him that if his wife touches me again she’ll be picking her ass up off the floor. NOBODY pulls that sh!t on me.

  • sacredh

    Her Majesty: William, please call this marriage off.

    Petraeus: Uh..Your Majesty…I’m not…

    Her Majesty: Phillip, I don’t like it when you dye your hair and…

    Petraeus (interrupting): Your Majesty, I think you have me confused with…

    Her Majesty: Tony, promise me that the pictures of President Obama and Qadaffi making that deal won’t be made public.

    Petraeus: As Prime Minister, I feel that we should sit down and discuss this further.

  • earljr1

    General, I thought Jimmy Carter was bad, but this dolt, Obama, is totally clueless….Even the French are laughing at him. I suggest you take this book on “leadership lessons 101″ and have someone read it to him…slowly and patiently with emphasis on taking a position before the issue is settled.

  • deconstructiva

    It might be the isolated oat product, soy lecithin, caramel color, and other fillers added to the meat. Then again, you get used to it; I still eat TB a lot, esp. the nachos (both supreme and bell grande).
    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/green/detail?entry_id=84334

  • deconstructiva

    …thought P-chio found out when the hooker did a check on him before he paid her and she discovered termites.

  • deconstructiva

    Gen. Petraeus gives Her Majesty the Queen an iPad as a gift…
    .
    …or so he thinks. He actually bought an Etch-a-Sketch while thinking he got one helluva deal.
    .
    Flash forward: back home in Afghanistan he gets a message that Obama wants him back in DC immediately. Something about getting a royal asskicking for offending the British Monarchy. Oops.

  • deconstructiva

    Petraeus: Your Highness, since we’ll be winding down Libya soon and can’t do much more in Afghanistan, is there anything we can do for you? Bomb the squatters out of Saif Gaddafi’s home? No-fly zone? Is Argentina trying to retake the Faulklands? Are any Germans trying to rebuild the Wall? It’s going to be springtime in Prague. Any uprisings there? Want us to set up a no-fly over Northern Ireland? Need any military escorts for your football fans on overseas trips? Are you having any trouble with the Spanish Armada?
    .
    Her Majesty: Christ, I miss the Cold War …at least the Soviets kept you guys busy.

  • apr2563

    sacredh: Off with your head!
    .
    I’ll let you interpret that.

  • michaelfury
  • michaelfury
  • sacredh

    Petraeus: Your Majesty, to be honest, when the saw the ad in Craigslist that said “Smokin’ hot MILF seeks man in uniform for fun and games” I was expecting someone a little more….well…smokin’.

  • sacredh

    Should have been “when I saw”. I quit.

  • sacredh

    Petraeus: Your Majesty, I can’t believe you stole the Book of Life from the Gates of St. Peter. Is my name in there?
    .
    Elizabeth: It’s all blank pages and the Gates have cobwebs on them.

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