1,000 Words

President Obama frowns as he notices that his favorite brand of “Muslin Be Gone” antidote crackers are sold out.

Thanks MS. This will do quite nicely.

If you don’t throw down my smokes I am going to cry.

President Obama frowns over what which biscuits he should serve the republican leadership during their upcoming meeting that would go with the egg salad, scrambled eggs, deviled eggs. eggs Benedict, soft boiled eggs and egg custard that he plans to serve them.

President Obama appears upset as he makes a return trip to the store. Michelle had told him to bring back a douche and he took Boehner home.

Obama (thinking): It’s time to pray facing Mecca but I’m out in public. Maybe I can pretend I’m looking for some change I dropped.

I could have been a civilian.

Oh Lord, they didn’t think you were a Jew!

“You said I was a Christian. What gives?”

Obama prays that God will give him a sign that this “He’s a Muslim” furor will pass over and then frowns as a voice on the loudspeaker says that pork is on sale.

sacred, your wish from the last thread in case you were serious! If not, certainly worth a week-end look. See comment #6. I didn’t post the link to the fire picture that grape_crush provided to us because my very favorite part of this is the youtube that kbang put into the comments 6.6.

http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2010/06/15/morning-must-reads-going-big/

Dang it – no urugula.

Obama appears upset as he thinks “I’m the anti-Christ, they think I’m destroying the country all by myself, they say I’m single-handedly turning the country to socialsm and I can’t even get f**king waited on in the supermarket”.

sacredh you are in full shwinnnnng. Loving it.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Thanks apr2563. MS is starting to pick some great photos. These things just write themselves when the photos are this good.

Obama: Hillary should have given me a list. I don’t remember half of the stuff she told me to pick up.

As Tim Bayless said to Frank Pembleton in Homicide, I live to serve.

Obama: Michelle told me to pick up an appropriate wine for our dinner with McCain but I don’t even see Mad Dog on the list.

Obama: I’m going to send Palin a bottle of wine as a gift. Now let’s see…what is cheap and sugary?

Obama: Gulf Coast shrimp is 99 cents a pound? I wonder why it’s so cheap?

Obama: Why did Michelle invite the Cheneys to dinner? The hell with srtip steaks, I’m getting baloney.

Throw in Liz and you got piles of bull.

Obama: I couldn’t get a public option. They took the teeth out of financial reform. They won’t let me have Limbaugh assassinated. I can’t nuke Salt Lake City. None of the aides will blow me. Why did I even take this stupid job?

I’ll be glad when this Ramadan thing is over. Wait, what?

I’d like to throw Liz but the bus is nowhere in sight.

The president dreads the possibility of having to use a debt card [sic] to pay for his stuff.

muslin=muslim
Freudian slip, Sacred?

Bring the steamroller, then

Obama: Pulled pork, pork chops, pork sausage, chipped ham, ham steaks, ham salad….THIS is Rahm’s brilliant strategy to refute the Muslim allegations?

Hmmm. Now which side of my bread has the butter…

lol. I didn’t notice my mistake. Maybe they use muslin for the veils?

Damn. $1.09. And I only have a buck. Sh!t…
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I wonder. Will the checker let me slide for the rest?

“Yeah, I tried that Kashi cereal once during Earth Day in college.”

Wonder if I should get Rush a loaf of Limburger cheese?

Nobody’s looking.
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Maybe I can sneak out with a couple maple bars…

Obama: McCain, Newt, Reid, Pelosi and Vitter want to come over to talk politics and play strip poker. If Vitter p!sses on the chair Michelle is going to raise hell. Maybe I have to go to the hardware store to get some plastic.

Oh,wait. This isn’t the hardware store!
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Maybe that’s ok, though. I guess Saran wrap will just have to do…

He uses it for Michelle’s hijab, I bet.

Rahm can’t have any of that stuff either, can he?

That, and a couple bendy straws…

God, intoning in His best James Earl Jones voice:
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Because, son, you’ve been chosen…

Eat. Pray. Lunch.

Sacred @ 11:3: ‘Hard to pucker when you have no teeth.

It’s funny that mention having no teeth. Just a couple of days ago I was on my way out the door to go to work and there was a note by my keys from the MIL asking me to wake her up before I left. She has false teeth and they were in a glass by her bed. I took the glass and sat it on the top shelf in the bathroom and got a set of those wind-up chattering teeth from the junk drawer, stuck them in a glass of water by her bed and then woke her up and left. My wife called about an hour later and said her mom had freaked out and had thought her teeth had grown overnight. Our house is a zoo.

Obama: No Doritos? I’m sick of all the health sh*t Michelle makes me eat in the White House.

Please don’t let this be the weekend thread.
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(I’ll never be popular in the Swamp-oh well)

Michael,
Thank you again for a great pic. You’re on a roll, keep ‘em coming.

Obama: This is the last time I let Joan Rivers refer me to a plastic surgeon. Every time I smile my dick stands straight up.

To our regular commenters, those with whom I’ve built somewhat of a rapport, I’ve just posted an article I wrote last winter about the minaret ban in Switzerland. I think it touches on some relevant points relating to our current “controversial” community-center and rising Islamophobia in general in the US. Perhaps, worth your time…

http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2010/08/20/are-one-quarter-of-americans-freakin-morons/comment-page-2/#comments

Obama: Now, if I buy those bagel crisps people will stop saying I am Muslim and start saying I am Jewish…. The Christians will hate me less but the Muslims will hate me… But, then, again, if people think I am Jewish, then they’ll trust me with the national budget. I mean, doesn’t everybody want a Jewish accountant?
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But if I get the bacon flavored cream cheese…
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Who knew being president would be this complicated? George W made it look so easy, just say put on a jump suit in front of a poster saying “mission accomplished”.
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If I get a Benihana TV dinner for Michelle, they might call me Buddhist…

Neo’s immodesty aside it is an interesting article.
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I’ve always held the opinion that modesty is for people that have nothing to brag about.

“I’ve always held the opinion that modesty is for people that have nothing to brag about.”
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FTW!
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BTW: it is a bad sign when the funniest remark is off topic.
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Better pictures, please.

Thanks for the shout-out, Ivy!
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All together now…
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Big butter Jesus…
Sweet cream Jesus…
Oh country fresh Jesus…
Oh Promise Jesus…
Imperial Jesus…
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus…
Oleo Lord.

*laugh*…*gasp*….*wheeze*….!!!

Sacred: FTW! with “Muslin”, great veiled humor there. Seth Myers agreed with you when he wrote this (@ 2:51):
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http://www.hulu.com/watch/39639/saturday-night-live-update-thursday-mccain-lady#s-p4-sr-i5
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Obama also cavorts with terriers. He’s 50% Egyptian and will change the WH to a pyramid too.

Obama: Well crap, is nothing here halal?

Michael Scherer (disguised as a bakery employee): May I help you, Mr. President?
Obama: Nice try, Scherer. I’m still NOT talking to you press corps guys.
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Bakery Employee: That’ll be $12.95. I’ll need to see some ID, starting with your birth certificate.
Gibbs: Whoa, sorry about that, Mr. President. I didn’t know we were in Arizona. These tour stops all look alike.
Obama: We’re not. They ask me for that crap all the time.
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Obama: So this is the new mosque / community center? Looks like a bakery. Nice job with the old Burlington Coat Factory.
Employee: It’s both, Sir. FOX hasn’t found out yet. Care to try some falafel?
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Kate Pickert (disguised as a bakery employee): May I help you, Mr. President?
Obama: Nice try, Pickert. Tell Scherer I’m still NOT talking to the WH press corps.

OT (as if “1000 words” ever can be), but depending on your left-wing or right-wing views, this clip is either a fabulous performance from high school / college (equiv. in Great Britain) musicians OR a performance from foreigners about corporate media-driven class warfare between Real Americans™ and Illegal Immigrants™:
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If any UK readers or reporters (like Catherine Mayer) have seen this ensemble’s performances live, let us know in detail. Their youtube clips sound great.

…and he learned what happens when you eat a lot of fiber at once. Isn’t it solemnly amusing they do NOT tell you in TV ads what fiber makes you do when you eat a (sht load) of it?

Karen Tumulty (disguised as a bakery employee): May I help you, Mr. President?
Obama: Oh, F’k this sht, I give up, you win. I’ll talk.

Obama sees the sign: “No shoes, no shirt, no service. Also, no Muslims / Terrorists, Mormons, and other Non-Christians. No Illegal Immigrants, no Liberal Loons, no fans of Socialized Medicine, and no fawning liberal corporate media whores.”
Yep, off to McDonalds again.

Obama’s trying to find something Scherer likes for breakfast on AF1 flights, but it’s not easy.
http://twitter.com/michaelscherer/status/19917230763

Dude, that’s just so wrong on so many levels

I’m screwed. Newt told me he’d retract what he said about how we should be as intolerant as the Saudis if I’ll get the next Swampblog to memorialize me handing out dough for W’s favorite kookies. I shake, grab a TIME photograper, run down to the only place in town that stocks the brand, and right up there above the bag I gotta’ reach for is the “Texas Night” logo with that darn flag coming out of a crescent moon!

That’s the score, right? I mean, I didn’t miss serving number one, did I? If I have to wait until it comes around again, it sure is a coincidence that it’s the same as the number of days until the elections.

uh-oh. That looks like Foo bird . . .

uh-oh, that looks like another Foo bird .
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This time I better not try to wash it off . .

Obama:
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Uh oh.

If the menu calls them “freedom fries” I might be in the wrong place.

And the only cheese they have is “Merican”.

The Socialist Community Organizer meets the Soup Nazi……

Gosh, this is all complicated stuff…where is that teleprompter when you really need it? I will need my 6th vacation this year, to rest my very confused mind.

OTOH, the week-end thread could be more muslim or Burlington Coat Factory.
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We need to find a champion who will take it as a cause to leave us with at least one thread on the week-end for discussion.

As he looks up he notices the ceiling is about to fall.

awh, maaaaannnnn! I gave them all those billions for their bonuses and to buy the Treasury bonds that raised those billions and they still devalue my stock pics

Hey! Mary!~
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er . . .I mean . . . “Hail”

This would be a lot easier if they packed the teleprompter for this trip!

kbang: Thanks for reposting “Big Butter Jesus”. That video is moving on to be enjoyed by some of my family.

“Hmm. A choice of big bags of wind. Let’s see there is freeinpa, textee, newfreedomblog, earljr…Well, nothing sounds good.”

Obama: My ticket says #378 and they’re *just* serving #12 ?!?

Ftw.
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And the Socialist Community Organizer doesn’t look too happy about it.
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No soup for you!

“Please don’t let this be the weekend thread.”
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Three word solution.
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Hijack.

Obama looks on in dismay as Fox News reports that the President has been caught moonlighting working at the bread department in a local store.

5 words.
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So far I am right.

Finally had time to read your article. Very well done.

OTOH, the hate mongers have invited another one, Geert Wilders to their rally on Sept 11 in NY.

http://8wt72.th8.us/

and breaking it with non-Christians

Geez, the old way I can stay as trim as I am is to stay off the carbs. Being here with all this good looking bread just isn’t fair.

Is that one of those bug-zappers or is it 2/3rds trying to post?

“So far I am right.”
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Far and right in the same short sentence. Are you trying to start an argument? You know how sensitive we can be to those words.

“Are you trying to start an argument?”
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With you? I know my betters-never.

Sleepy, warm (for Minnesota) afternoon, Twins slogging their way though a game, all dinner prep done.
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Me stirring something up?
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Unpossible!

It’s close to 90 here, very humid and we’re supposed to get up to two inches of rain this evening. This has been one of the most miserable summers I can remember. I’d rather have snow on the ground than have it hot and humid like this.

“It’s close to 90 here, very humid”
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Add ten degrees and I would be happy.
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We go to NOLA every year looking for just that kind of weather. Never too hot never too humid.
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We were shopping at (the proudly non air conditioned) Jim Russell’s for LPs and a dude passed out.
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Twice.
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And we were in and out before noon.

You’re a better man than me Charlie Brown. I work outside a good bit year round and I’ll take 20 over 100 any day of the week. I’m comfortable in a t-shirt when it’s 60. It has to be below 20 before I’ll wear a coat. A sweatshirt and a light jacket is fine for everything else. In a perfect world, it would never get above 70.

That is so d@mn funny, but if I laugh right now with my head up and my chin hanging down like this I’m gonna shower the cookies or miss ‘em and hit the bread
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Those WH photographers will do anything to get those professional left and unprofessional right “O”-ers some stabs at me . . . those crew has been thinking this one up for weeks, I can tell . . . they can hardly keep that camera straight right now . . . wait until I get guys those coming out of the pool.

While sacred and his lot play their 3rd grade games in the news the following has occured over the weekend so far;
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Iran is now nuclear
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http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/iran_nuclear;_ylt=AgyM23lTVqfzvYx.sg_Xwl.s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTNjMDRvNDVnBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwODIxL2lyYW5fbnVjbGVhcgRjY29kZQNtb3N0cG9wdWxhcgRjcG9zAzEEcG9zAzIEcHQDaG9tZV9jb2tlBHNlYwN5bl90b3Bfc3RvcnkEc2xrA2lyYW5zdGFydHNudQ–
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Obama goes on another “vacation” in one of the worst economies since the Great Depression
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http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2010/08/21/obamas_take_a_beach_lunch_on_second_vacation_day/
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The US debt is almost 13.5 TRILLION Dollars
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http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Figures-on-government-apf-4133802810.html?x=0&.v=2
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And Democrats want us to vote them back into office this coming November? You must be joking.

“While sacred and his lot play their 3rd grade games”
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Been selling many survival seeds blogwhore?

Been dressing up like Betsy Ross and carrying cute little signs?

I read about the right hissy about vacation yesterday. For those of you keeping score…

…a president is never really on vacation. The job follows him wherever he goes as does a sizeable contingent of aides, secret service and communications personnel as well as the military officers who carry the “football,” the nickname for the briefcase containing the nuclear launch codes. Some vacation…
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This is Mr. Obama’s 9th vacation since taking office. As of today, he has spent all or part of 38 days on “vacation” away from the White House. He has also made 14 visits to Camp David spanning all or part of 32 days. It brings his total time away to all or part of 70 days.
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As of this point in his 1st term, Mr. Bush had made 14 visits to his Texas ranch spanning all or part of 102 days. He also made 40 visits to Camp David spanning all or part of 123 days. His “vacation” total at this point in his presidency was all or part of 225 days away.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20014132-503544.html?tag=cbsnewsSectionContent.5

I’m going to bed now but try to get two brain cells to work together and come up with a good reply.

Thanks Ivy for the reminder. You won’t get anyone on the right here to acknowledge the facts. The next vacation the Obama’s have, the same rants by the reactionaries will appear.
But, it is good to remind ourselves what the facts are.

I notice that after Democrats complained about Bush lying about the Iraq War, the reality of tax breaks for the rich being a part of TRICKLE ON not “trickle down” economics (since most of us felt like we were being trickled on by the wealthiest since the money was not reaches everyday people) among other things, Republicans are now dying to use to word “Liar”.
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Unfortunately they have exactly 0 proven lies.
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Bush was talking about his faith as if he were elected head of the evangelical Christians, not president. Obama gets accused of being a Muslim and, strangely enough (despite saying a a few things about being Christian) talking too much about it.
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Bush was vacationer in chief, so, without any basis, Republicans call Obama such.
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I’m waiting for them to call Obama a privileged, trust fund white boy.

“President George W. Bush spent even more time away from the presidential mansion in the nation’s capital than Reagan. Of the 77 total “vacation” trips the former president made to his Texas ranch while in office, nine of them — all or part of 69 days — came during his first year as president in 2001, according to Knoller.

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http://www.factcheck.org/2010/01/president-obamas-vacation-days/
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How do you get from 77 days of “vacation” days all the way up now to “225 days” as our dear friend IvyB points out?
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Maybe she’s double counting Bush’s days? Hmmmm. Wouldn’t really surpise anyone as Bush has also been blamed for everthing else in the universe by the libtards.
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The other thing which is interesting is the Bush “vacations” all came in the first year of his entire Presidency, BEFORE 9/11 occured. Of course we know what a crisis can do, right? Bush then only spent 7 days on “vacation” after that fateful attack.
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Now Obama on the other hand, doesn’t seem to think there is any crisis anywhere, especially an economic crisis.
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It is trip after trip on Air Force One, Michelle Obama’s recent trip using tax payer funded planes to do a Spanish Riviera trip to “meet the girls”. I don’t seem to remember Laura Bush doing such a thing.

Rusty, I don’t care if you misread what I have posted as long as you keep it to yourself. For that reason I’m going to reply to you although I generally don’t.
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The quote you put in from factcheck only talks about trips to the ranch and only during his first year. You will note it says 77 trips not days. If you had read the article I linked to – by Mark Knoller, who is the expert on this sort of thing, you would have seen that there are other trips included. I posted the important points for those with reading difficulties.
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This is Mr. Obama’s 9th vacation since taking office.
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As of this point in his 1st term
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Unlike you, Mr. Knoller is comparing apples to apples, not apples to kumquats.

And, the factcheck item was dated in January, the article I quoted was linked by Knoller in his twitter feed yesterday and written in the past few days.

newfreedomblog~
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The 1,000 Words blog posts are about the picture. You know what pictures are, don’t you?
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Yes, it’s a game, but apparently it takes more than a third-grade mentality to play it.
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Obama sees a newfreedombug hit the zapper. “Those big ones take longer to fry and make an irritatingly lot of noise.”

mycophile @ 56.4

Obama sees a newfreedombug hit the zapper. “Those big ones take longer to fry and make an irritatingly lot of noise.”

That was worth fighting through the Going Viral problem to get back here!

Actually I am surprised that the “bug” didn’t fly right on Obama’s face somewhere. Just like the infestation of flies which we have seen several times as Obama has had to slap them away. Is this some sort of omen? Or do flies just naturally become attracted to $hit?
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http://www.moonbattery.com/obama-fly-on-face.jpg
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http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://obamajoke.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/obama-fly.jpg&imgrefurl=http://obamajoke.com/&usg=__efx-lImlW0DexfX4_SXzdAuJ1e8=&h=345&w=279&sz=20&hl=en&start=1&zoom=1&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=hV5YyUkBrSI4tM:&tbnh=120&tbnw=97&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dobama%2Bfly%2Bon%2Bface%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dcom.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox%26rlz%3D1I7ADFA_en%26tbs%3Disch:1
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Oh, you are welcome!! Enjoy!!

Been selling many survival seeds blogwhore?

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Actually, yes, record sales as a matter of fact. Thank you for asking!!

yeah, I remember that one. It was quite funny at the time. Still is, when reminded of it, but funnier in the moment. Didn’t watch the video, thanks. I do remember that skillful snatch. I mean, who could forget it?

I’ll admit it. That made me laugh.