1,000 Words: Governator Edition

Hands out of the pockets pervo.

The reporter from upper Slovenia demands her response…..

Gonernor Schwarzennegger’s announced press conference attracts a bag lady.

Grace Jones enters in disguise

Governor Scharzenegger, tell me to my face that this baby isn’t yours.

Foreshadowing the health care summit:

“The Wizard: The dead… the gods are pleased with you, they will watch the battle.
Conan: Are they going to help?
The Wizard: No.
Conan: Well, then tell them to stay out of the way.”

Budget schmudget, how come cabbage costs so much?

“Do you tango?”

Ahhhh, the vibrations off these mikes is magnificent!

If you really wnt to talk like me:
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STEP ONE: Muscle up v’s and f’s until they sound like double f’s, as in this memorable assertion from Predator: ”Diss ting iss hunting us all uff us.” Or, from Twins: ”In case uffa fy-a, I could haff giffen de alaam, ant safed all de odda offans.”
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STEP TWO: Double all s’s: Is becomes iss. He’s rhymes with Meese. Ears rhymes with fierce. Deyah’s lots of ecksemples.
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STEP THREE: Change all th’s and double t’s to d’s. As in: ”Sit offuh deyah.” ”Dat’s right.” Or, uttered in every Arnold movie, ”Wadzemadda?”
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STEP FOUR: Let no ur word escape umlautization. ”He’s been murdered!” becomes, ”Heese been myurdered!” A driven man is properly called ”a wyurgaholic.” And any act of violence should be preceded with ”I don’t want to hyurt you.”
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STEP FIVE: Harden all soft g’s and j’s to ch, as in: ”He iss probably chust like me.” ”I studied Biolochee.” ”I wass wyurking out at de chymnasium.”
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http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,317553,00.html

The mike is picking up neither breathing nor a heartbeat.
Do you suppose…?

Pleese reschpond to da kvestion…tenk you beddy much.

Beat me to it!…kinda.

The reporter shows off her new coat from Sacks of 4th Street.

Rhyat now I ahm holding up zee michrofones due to zee condischon described in zee prhevious Swampland thredd.

Prop 13 eliminated the Cahleeforneeah fashion police.

Wooff! Thiss iss defnutlee naut Kulleefonyuh!

Koowal leenk! It iss chust wat I neeeded!

Governor, if you’re own wife ignores you about talking on a cellphone while driving, why should we listen to anything you have to say?

Dis is as clooz as I come to beeng prezidenntttt.

Nah, the American tea party movement is a patriotic, peaceful assembly…do you hear that bussing overhead? It zeeems to be drawing close…

ooops, should have been “your”.

I’m still PO’d that he became governor in the first place. Like it was Gray Davis caused Enron! Congrats, Callie, you deserve what you got.

…THAT caused Enron

Don’t Freud me K-Bang

Governor Scharzenegger, given the choice between Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee or a rock, who would you support to be the republican nominee in 2012?

Scharzenegger:

“Wock beats Palin. Huckabee covers scizzors.”

Governor, it has been alleged that you have a history of groping women. What are you waiting for you putz? Do you think I got all dressed up because I’m impressed with your political skills?

Schwarzenegger: Definitely “The Rock.” Wrestlers & weightlifters make great politicians.

Scharzenegger: Fox had told me that Sarah Palin would be here to interview me but that because she was chewing gum she couldn’t handle a presser too.

Or WALK to the presser while doing same, for that matter.

Arnold wants a job for after Governor, right? … Secretary of Interior, maybe?

Governor Scharzenegger, would you like to comment about the overwhelming endorsement you have had from the democrats about running for the chair of the RNC?

Governor, what do you think about Bob Marshall’s god’s punishments? Is this on of those?

Governor Schwarzenegger, have you read that Roland Emmerich is thinking about using you as the subject of his next disaster movie?

“Arnold, you can’t be President. Come away from the White House. Return to Austria. You can put on your lederhosen, become the burgermeister of der dorf, pretend you are still a movie star, and have your way with the fraus.”