1,000 Words: Vladimir and Dmitry’s Excellent Adventure

Thanks, KT!
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Medvedev: Sir, we’re almost there. I can see Sarah Palin’s house from here.
Putin: Excellent. I’m really looking forward to that three-way she has offered.
Medvedev: I agree, Sir. That Cincinnati-style imperialist Yankee chili over spaghetti is quite delicious after a long day on the snow trails.
Putin: (mutters) I don’t think that’s what she had in mind.

Medvedev: Vladimir! You’re shoving that monster right up my rear!

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s Gulag you go.

Medvedev: Sir, I love the snow ride and am glad the imperialist Yankees are having a real winter for a change, but why didn’t we just fly to Washington?
Putin: Because their stupid TSA has banned underwear on all flights into the USA, ding dong. No way in hell I’m flying commando.

Medvedev: Sir, there’s a pole up ahead, care to lick it?
Putin: Only if she’s a woman of good taste.

Putin: Did you send that “data” on global warming I gave you to Al Gore?

Medvedev: Yes. He’s flying over on his personal jet to discuss ways to halt the damage.

Medvedev: we make much fun in snow yes Vladimir?

Putin: yes, yes but i wanted the #1 snow machine dammit!

Medvedev: Mine is shriveled up Vladimir. How is yours?

Putin: Bigger than a Tic Tac but smaller than Tootsie Roll.

Thanks for the photo KT. I’m sorry about Texas. I was hoping you’d be celebrating today.

Heigh ho, heigh ho. It’s off to work i go. I’ll post my appropriate captions when I get home.

Putin: I said I want to be in front!!

Medvedev: OK, geez, don’t rear your ugly head about it!

Putin: My bottle is empty. You know what that means.
Medvedev: We play ‘spin the bottle’ again, sir?
Putin: No, Palin-brain, hand me another vodka already.

Medvedev: Vladimir, I’m glad you took your goggles off so i can see your soul better in this blizzard.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Medvedev: Sir, this is fun to do all day, but why did Sarah Palin say women enjoy riding snow machines and horses like totally way more than men do also?
Putin: Well, you see… (sighs) …never mind.

Vladimir: A lot of people wish they could quit me.

“Have you ever seen a grown man naked?”

“Just think: If I was Dick Cheney, I’d have shot you in the face by now.”

Medvedev: Can we stop here and make snow angels?

Putin: As long as it doesn’t require pulling my pants down. I haven’t fully thawed out since the “write your name in the snow” game.

Medvedev: “So, Comrade Putin, it is great that Comrade Obama has so much snow here in Camp David. I am so happy that we are all comrades now that he has America on the right track to socialism. Oh where did he go?”
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Putin: “Who comrade Medvedev?”
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Medvedev: “Why comrade Obama is who. You didn’t ditch him in the snowbank, did you?” “OHH Haahaaa haaa, you are such the communist prankster, SIR”. “Does comrade Obama call you SIR too?”

“You couldn’t hit the barn side of a broad.”

Medvedev: Sir, I told you we should’ve taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
Putin: Now don’t start that again. We’re not in Wasilla?
Medvedev: No Sir, we’re in Florida.
Putin: Ah, so their imperialist propaganda media wasn’t making up crap after all.
Medvedev: That’s right, Sir. Their winter really sucks right now.
Putin: Well crap. I was looking forward to hot girls in bikinis.
Medvedev: Well, those lovely swampwomen are back from vacay in DC.
Putin: Good enough, lead the way.

Medvedev: Sir, that last bottle of citrus vodka was a really bad batch. Is there anything better?
Putin: (mutters to himself) Well, you insisted we not stop for pee breaks, I had to use whatever was available. What a maroon. Boy’s as sharp as a bowling ball.

“Minneapolis!? I knew we should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

Medvedev: Sorry about that blast back there, Sir. That bear wouldn’t go away so I tossed that stick of dynamite at him.
Putin: Dmitry, you ding dong, that wasn’t dynamite. That was our Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. That was our key to getting a better arms deal with Obama. Now he’s got the upper hand, butt breath, what hell are we going to do!?

Putin: Dmitry, why is your hand exposed? You will get frostbite!

Medvedev: I know, it froze to my you-know-what during our last bathroom break and now I can’t put my glove back on.

Thanks for the 1,000 words KT! A few good laughs is just what I needed after a crazy first week back to work.

#1 gets rear-ended by #2.

Hey Vlad, I can see Alaska from here.

Dude did you hear they made a pornographic movie about her? Ohh the Internet.

No where near as disturbing as these images:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1204250/Vladimir-Putin-takes-dip-climbs-tree-makes-basics-Siberia-vacation.html

And no where near as gratifying as when he was thrown by this girl on a visit to Japan years ago:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1204250/Vladimir-Putin-takes-dip-climbs-tree-makes-basics-Siberia-vacation.html

Putin: “Hey Dmitri, want to hear a joke?”

Medvedev: “Sure, sir, I love your jokes!”

Putin: “In Soviet Russia, snowmobile rides you!”

Do you like gladiator movies?

OT, but have you ever had one of those days that seems like it will never end and eveything that happens is bad? Today was my day. I’m probably going to wind up in court regarding a felony. As a witness providing testimony, not the perp. I had to stay late and write up reports and e-mail them to everybody and their brother and then to top it all off…I hit ANOTHER f’ing deer on the way home. Good night.

Medvedev: Vladimir, with our gas-oil money let’s buy Alaska for our skiing.

…sacred, sorry to hear about these. It’s easy to say / hard to do that things can be worse, but you’re not facing trial and prison (even if that person deserves what he / she gets). Hitting the deer’s gotta suck w/ more car / truck damage, although yeah, be glad you’re not the deer. Where you live, do you have a deer overpopulation (I used to)? I wonder if you and trusted neighbors can take out a few out of season …when the sheriff and game wardens are off duty, of course. If you’re skilled in archery no one would hear gunfire. Your friends would get free food, of course, or quietly donate to pantries. But I remember deer hassles; they’re a royal pain in the ass.

Thanks deconstructiva. I live just a couple of miles from the Ohio River. We live in the country and there is an overpopulation of ALL wildlife here. Deer and coyotes are the worst though. I want to get the OK from our legal department before I say anything about what happened. I really only grazed the deer this time though and I don’t think it’s even worth turning in since I’m getting rid of the vehicle next month. I was mad enough that I considered pulling off into a field and trying to chase the damned thing down and strangling it myself. We’re in another winter advisory alert here with travel restrictions on the roads.

Deconstructiva: I’m not a hunter. I’m not anti-gun or anything like that but I don’t have it in me kill animals. You should see me in the supermarket though. I can sneak up on the meat freezer and have steaks in my shopping cart before they know what hit them. I do have pictures of myself tearing into a good T-Bone with A-1 sauce dripping from my mustache. It looks like blood but it’s tangy and has just a hint of hickory flavoring.

Really, really OT, but since we’re talking about dead animals and one day I’ll be one….I want a sign propped up in my coffin when I’m getting displayed that says “Show Me Your Tits”.

A great read from Dmitri Trenin (Director of the Carnegie Moscow Center), who states “to dismiss Medvedev as a mere Putin puppet, a constitutional bridge between Putin’s second and third presidential terms, would be both unfair and wrong” … http://goo.gl/Jhbq

Russia Superpower…

Washington Acknowledges Russia as Superpower again U.S. Commission on Security and Cooperation in Europe held special hearings devoted to Russia on Thursday. The Commission came to a conclusion which is flattering to Russia: the latter is returning to …