It took more than an hour. And since you don’t want to spend an hour reading a blog post, here are the Top Ten Funny Things That Happened When The President Of The United States Did Letterman.
10. During the opening monologue, Dave praised the diligence of the Secret Service. “They even checked under my hairpiece. Security is tighter than Joan Rivers’ face. . . . I think this is a relief for all of us. The building has been cleared of all Republican Congressmen.”
9. During Top Ten list, the Number Two Reason Why Obama Agreed To Appear On The Show: “Said yes, without thinking, like Bush did with Iraq.” (The Top 10 list was reported by the press pool who witnessed a live taping of the show, but it was inexplicably edited out of the version of the show I watched in D.C., no doubt to make more room for another Cialis ad, or perhaps #7.)
8. When Obama came out, you could see the Secret Service agents lurking just off the stage.
7. A lady from Missouri in the audience brought a two-year-old heart-shaped potato. Dave announced this fact with something like derisive pity, and then he welcomed the president on stage. “I want you to know that the main reason I am here,” Obama said. “I want to see that heart-shaped potato.” He was handed the potato. “This is remarkable,” he continued. It was not. It looked like a turd. The potato bearer was named Mary Apple. Obama said, “Is your real name Mary Apple? And you carry heart-shaped potato?” He thanked her for sharing. Later Dave asked, “Could you get that potato in the Smithsonian?” “I think I could,” Obama said.
6. Obama said his daughters goofed off all summer. “Which I couldn’t do,” the president added. Letterman responded with his famous laugh. “Ha, Ha, Ha,” he said. “Others have!”
5. Dave showed a picture of Obama sitting at a picnic table with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “This picture just screams picnic to me,” the host said. Obama chuckled, and then said, a bit defensively, “We’re having a wonderful time.”
4. Dave asked Obama if the town hall vitriol was motivated by racism. “First of all, I think it is important to realized that I was actually black before the election,” explained Obama. “Really?” said Dave. “How long have you been a black man?”
3. “In terms of the health care, what is it I don’t understand about this?” asked Dave. Obama asked what the host was confused about. “If I’m not feeling well, I go to the CBS nurse,” said Dave. “Everybody should have a CBS nurse,” said Obama.
2. “Your job is more difficult than my job. That’s what I have learned here tonight,” said Dave.
And the #1 Funny Thing That Happened When The President Of The United States Did Letterman:
1. Paul Shaffer, Canadian.