Moving Day

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Things are likely to be a little quiet here in Swampland today, as we are packing up and moving to a new Washington Bureau. Part of the process is trying to figure out what to take and what to toss. I’m agonizing over things like whether to throw out my notes from the 1996 Bob Dole campaign, or that pamphlet that a Lyndon LaRouche supporter once gave out that was headlined: THE PURE EVIL OF AL GORE. (I never did get around to reading that story inside on “Al Gore and Adolf Hitler.” Or the one on “The Conspirators on Al Gore’s Secret Team.”)

But there are some artifacts that you come to realize are real treasures. Like my favorite press release of all time. It is dated July 19, 1994, and was issued by then-Senator Howell Heflin’s office. That morning, the Senator had been dining in the Capitol with some Alabama reporters, and suddenly felt a sniffle coming on. The reporters were aghast when the Senator reached into his pocket, pulled out a bit of fabric and began to wipe his nose with … a pair of ladies underwear. Hence the following:

STATEMENT OF SEN. HOWELL HEFLIN
HANDKERCHIEF
JULY 19, 1994

I mistakenly picked up a pair of my wife’s white panties and put them in my pocket while I was rushing out the door to go to work.

Rather than take a chance on being embarrassed again, I’m going to start buying colored handkerchiefs.

Yep, that’s one press release that I’m hanging on to.

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