Swampland Commenter Contest: Who Should Pick Obama’s Senate Successor?

Have Sean Connery fight it out with Robert Deniro. It’s the Chicago way.
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Or, hook all the potential candidates up to lie detector tests on a game show with instant results. The most honest one wins the seat (unless they are honest about being dishonest)

I dunno. But it looks like Obama chose a Sciencedebate 08 sponsor for Energy Secretary:

http://scienceblogs.com/intersection/2008/12/a_nobel_laureate_physicist_and.php

Not bad. Waxman replaces Dingell, and a Nobel laureate scientist as Energy Secretary.

Who else?

coffee: almost as bad as Wilson Pickett, or Bobby “Boris” Pickett.

This is too easy
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OPRAH
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Duh

In the case of a living Senator who relinquishes his position for valid reasons, as we are dealing with now, I think they should appoint their own successor until an election is held. Obama and Clinton should choose their replacements. If the current governors who actually hold the power now had any sense, that is what they would defer to. But then, as we have seen, they don’t necessarily have much sense.

Here are two options:
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1) Have a consensus of IL pols publically identify someone and have the current Governor Rod Blagojevich make the appointment.
2) If Rod Blagojevich’s resignation is submitted, the newly sworn ]Governor Pat Quninn should make the pick.
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I think if you require some type of constituional amendment to hold a special election or have the state legislature (like the good old days) select the new Senator, think this would take to long.
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If these options aren’t palatable, then I guess the only alternative is to hold a dance contest hosted by Tom Bergeron and allow on callers from IL area codes to select the winner by voting.

Boyfights for the Senate.

formerlyjames
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That would kind of violate the division between the executive and legislative branches though don’t you think?

This is the perfect opportunity for the cutest essay contest. Gather the best and brightest and presumably innocent Illinois school children and let them make their case. Depending on how that works out, maybe they can deliver Blago’s sentence too.

OK, if no one likes Mel Kiper, Jr. then how about the ultimate test.

And yall need to feel me on the Oprah thing. She could have each candidate on for a segment for like a week and a half. Turn it into like a American Idol for the Senate. Then in the end she can bring them all back and have the studio audience vote for them. Case Closed. And the city of Illinois won’t have to pay a dime for a runoff election.
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Excuse me while I pat myself on the back and try to come up with a solution to global warming.

OK, if we aren’t going to be serious here, I say hold a lottery. Buy a ticket for your chance to join the most exclusive and priveleged country club in the world. It would take little time and would be about as effective as what we have seen.

I say we assemble a blue-ribbon committee of Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Nancy Pelosi and Barney Frank, let Acorn poll the voters to get their preferences and watch Sean Hannity’s head explode.

Coffee: Just to hear the late Johnny Olson say one more time: “________ Come on down, you’re the next contestant…”

joyomama: Bill Ayers the next Senator of the great State of Illinois.

Bob Barker makes me laugh, period.

Hasn’t Jack Ryan been in the Penalty Box long enough? Or was that the name of the place he took Jeri?

This is too easy
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OPRAH
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Duh

Only if she gives a job to everyone in the audience.

I nominate Jeri Ryan!

Yeah, Chicago Oprah will give a private jet to all audience members and allow them to take turns voting on bills as they come up. There will be special consumer goods and prizes as well as scented votive candles at their desk when they vote.

Let Sarah Palin decide…

http://www.political-buzz.com/

sgw-
Oprah’s the solution for global warming, too — she gives her audience hybrids.

Mark Halperin!

Alan Keyes and Jack Ryan should draw straws.
The winner goes to the Senate. The loser goes to jail.

Ron Santo, now that he wasn’t selected (again) for the Hall of Fame. Or some guy born in Kenya. If someone could find a phone call tape in the Swahili language saying that Ron Santo was born in Kenya, that tape would seal the deal.
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Apparently a tape like that isn’t hard to make.

Who should nominate Obama’s successor?
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clear this guy:
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he’s more sane than Blago

Sam Siannis’s goat.

Paul D., Alan Keyes and Jack Ryan? The should both go to hell.

Caroline Kennedy is looking for something to do.

It could be a fund raiser. Car washes, candy and bake sales, chruch festivals, and whatnot. The most money gets the seat.

William the Refrigerator Perry.

The Kennedys are entitled to debs on any seat. They are our royalty although the Dukes of Bushy have attempted to overtake their castle.

I’d a said Royko, but he’s taking a dirt nap. So long, Slats…
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Next choice: Ditka – and I’m not even a Bears fan (die-hard Vikings fan, here, unlike Cincy…)
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Last option: Michael Jordan.

The Jonas Brothers!

The Coen Brothers!

Da Bears!

Da Cubs?

I just took out a Chicago phone book and flipped through the pages. The next United States Senator from Illinois is Yolanda Yankalevski of 2347 North Damen Avenue.
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God, I hope she is here legally. I don’t want to pull a Chertoff.

Da Lincoln Park gorilla, if he is still alive.

BROCCOLI KITTEH!!

Elwood Blues. The man has soul, at least.

Bartman!

Da Lincoln Park gorilla, if he is still alive.

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Bushman? Dood, he died some time back in the sixties, I think.
Even Olga the Walrus and Ziggy the Elephant have lumbered off to their rewards.
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Ditka’s a looney ‘winger. Campaigned for Keyes, IIRC

I don’t live in Chicago, but I have visited, and this has caused me think, how can such a great city have such neanderthals running things? It just goes to show. What, I don’t know.

I suggest that the next United States Senator from Illinois be chosen through feats of strength. along the lines of “pulling the sword from the stone.”

The first person who can single-handedly — without the aid of machines or implements of any kind — pull the Millennium Park sculpture “Cloud Gate” (aka “The Bean”) from its moorings shall be declared the next Senator from Illinois!

Blagojevich’s seat is already on Ebay!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180313261041

Paula, Randy, and Simon.

dbrddr, that bleepin cracked me bleepin up. Thanks for the bleepin link.

CIA interrogators. Whoever survives the waterboarding and the electrocuted genitals deserves the seat.

All the candidates go out hunting with Dick Cheney. The winner is the one who comes back without a face full of buckshot.

GW Bush. Illinois needs a little Texasization.

The Illinois Supreme Court should perhaps decide through current laws how should the senate selection proceed, as after all, they may very well have to remove Blago themselves.
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http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/blagojevich/1322980,CST-NWS-resign10.article
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Or maybe MacGuyver. He always knows what to do.

It’s obvious that Fitzgerald is gunning for the seat himself. Maybe he’ll indict all his competitors.

It’s a toss up between Fitzgerald and Blago’s wife. He better move faster than his brain can carry him. Is that possible?

Kenneth Starr. He’ll get to the bottom of this. It may take some time, and cost some money, but he can do it. Sort of.

I choose Stephen Colbert or maybe that Roeper fellow. I like his movies better than the rest.

The next senator should be the winner of a wet T-shirt contest, held in December, in Chicago.

Is Chelsea old enough? Jenna and Not Jenna are not, I don’t think.

KT-I have to ask what are you willing to pay for this creativity. I mean coming up with this s**t is not easy and it is a f***** valuable thing, and we commenters are not giving it away for f***** nothing. Any ideas we come with are f***** golden, if you won’t pay for it, than f**** you. Commenter A has already got assurances from Blogger B that he will play ball so you can shove that apprecation s**t you usually give away up your a**.

I think gunny just won the thread.

We could have Ryan Seacrest host a special reality show. I mean, I’d put those clowns who try out for “American Idol” up against the clowns in the Senate any day.
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Or we could send Michael Scherer so TIME could replace him with, you know, a journalist.

I agree gunny won the thread.
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But I’ll suggest the next senator should be chosen from among the shirtless, painted fans at the next really cold, at-home Bear’s game – by a crowd voice vote.

The Illinois Senate and the Lt. Governor each get a pick, with the winner decided in Thunderdome. Two pols enter, one Senator leaves.

Since the governor is compromised, why not the Lt. Governor? Maybe a special election?

It’s SNOWING here! All of the schools are closed and we have about 4″. It hasn’t snowed in 7 years! Making Christmas cupcakes. Kids having a blast.

Gunny, in a stunning upset over pourmecoffee! Congrats — has the fame changed you?

Why stop at Illinois? Let’s sell all the government jobs, we could use the income! $500 million for President, $50 million for the Senate, etc. Who knows, maybe then we could all get a bailout? It couldn’t possibly get any worse than what we have now…

Two bleeping thumbs up for gunny!

But will gunny be burdened by his new acclaim? Is he haunted by his now obvious connection to an indicted politician? Where’s the transparency he promised/offered/suggested? He really should come clean about all this.

Much as I hate to bring you all down to earth, here’s ambers:
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It’s quite unsettling to talk to members of Barack Obama’s transition teams these days, especially those who are helping with the economics portfolio. Without going into details, the sense I get from them is that they are very worried that the economy will get a lot worse before it gets better. Not just worse… a lot worse. As in — double digit unemployment without the wiggle factors. Huge declines in aggregate demand. Significant, persistent deficits. That’s one reason why the Obama administration seems to be open to listening to every economist with an idea and is stocking the staff with the leading lights of the field. In one sense, the general level of concern among Obama advisers and transition staffers is reassuring; they get the magnitude of the problems, and they’re not going to assume that, just because the bottom has never dropped out before — certainly not in the lifetimes of most people doing policy these days, the bottom will never drop out.

f*** yeah, gunny!

CNN is waiting for Obama to announce Dashle who is going to try to fix our national health policy – something the whole country cares about, and they are giggling like school girls at the prospect of asking questions about Blago.
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Is it possible for them to be embarrassed by their actions?
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Rhetorical question.

Ozzie Guillen manager of the White Sox is the only way Obama can show his loyalty to the Sox AND get the best quotes that will top Blago’s.

Damn. I never win contests.

I watched Obama’s press conference this morning. When the questions turned to the transcripts, I don’t think I have ever seen a person more happy to have been called a m*****f***** on tape, in my life.

Uuughh, THIS IS SERIOUS!!
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Might want to open a new thread on this!!
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http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aYMRfTaPRLCU&refer=home
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/11/report-obama-team-has-dir_n_150226.html
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http://www.portfolio.com/views/columns/economics/2008/11/11/Economic-Predictions-for-2009
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http://www.portfolio.com/views/blogs/odd-numbers/2008/12/10/chart-of-the-day-japan-under-quantitative-easing
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http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601109&sid=a_W0d8XewdGY&refer=home
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Starting to think the economy is in real trouble here. Hope Obama and team are up to the task. Forget about the Senate Seat Silliness!

Gunny – agreed. I thought Obama did a very good job this morning in distinguishing himself from Blago and saying it was to change this sort of behavior that he ran for office.
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And congratulations on the well-deserved win. I’ve emailed your contest entry to all my friends and family.
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Rainbow – so glad for you about the snow!! Stay safe driving.. I welcome snow here principally because it means dollars for the state (seasons tickets are up at ski resorts because people are coming here instead of flying to Utah. If you ski or snowboard come join us)and because it’s easier to see the road at night with all that reflective material on the sides of the road. Have lost my romanticism about snow a long time ago.

Dang, I missed this one. Too late and too tired to comment last night, but the concept came to mind of a reality show “Project Beltway” where talented young designers compete to create a stylish new senate candidate… Couldn’t think of a Klum-type host from Chicago (Daryl Hanna?) or what her catch phrase would be “in politics your either hailed or your jailed” but anyhoo…. Congrats Gunny!

Off topic, blog whore, and every other rude epithet you’d like to use. But I am trying to figure out how the heck Obama (or anyone) plans to get the US out of Iraq while retaining a client relationship with Iraq. I’ve put up a post. I’d really appreciate any insights from folks here.

http://kroydblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/soft-sofa.html

Jay: But even so, I simply don’t see how the US can withdraw and not leave Iran as the major player in the region, with, at best, a face-saving agreement with Iraq that is pretty much limited to oil concessions. And that’s the best case scenario. I see no way that Iran will not be the major player in the region. They will clearly be the major partner of Iraq’s central, Shiite government. One of W’s most impressive legacies.
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The hope now is that the worst outcome you describe (eruption of civil war by proxies of the surrounding states) can somehow be avoided through effective diplomacy by the new administration.

In the spirit of America’s love for tournaments, let’s have a “January Madness” in which various candidates face off on subsequent weeks, with the winners announced by Bill Murray every Tuesday and moving on to the next round, finalist to be chosen at the half time of the Super Bowl (after Bruce has sung, of course).

My first round match-ups would include:

Sam Zell
Jim Belushi

George Will
Gary Sinise

Jesse Jackson Jr.
Jesse Jackson Sr.

Vinny Del Negro
Valerie Jarrett

DeefromColumbia
Michael Scherer

Kim Widup
John Harris

Bobby Rush
Rush

Joe Klein
Naomi Klein

Let the games begin!!!

One choice by the Illinois Legislature, one choice by the Lieutenant Governor. Then, Thunderdome! Two candidates enter, one Senator leaves!

Sorry for the repetition. I missed the Page 1 – Page 2 format change; I thought the Secret Moderator was back and %$@#ing with my comments.

On the matter of format, when the &%#! do we get our Preview back?

Could Lil Mickey be writing for Time under a pseudonym? Via Benen:
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Time’s Massimo Calabresi is just bizarre. On more than one occasion during his stunning press conference on Tuesday, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald bluntly said he has found no evidence of wrongdoing by President-elect Barack Obama in the tangled, tawdry scheme that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich allegedly cooked up to sell Obama’s now vacant Senate seat to the highest bidder. But for politicians, it’s never good news when a top-notch prosecutor has to go out of his way to distance them from a front-page scandal.
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Steve says: I haven’t the foggiest idea what that means. Fitzgerald held a press conference on Monday, and presented the case against the governor. Reporters asked about Obama, and he said this doesn’t involve the president-elect. According to Time’s report, this is bad news for Obama. Why? Because Fitzgerald answered reporters’ questions and said Obama isn’t connected to the case.
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In what universe does this make sense?

How about letting the thoroughly unqualified, terrorist fraternizing, community organizer’s dearest friends select his successor? Michelle “For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country” Obama, Jeremiah “G@* damn America” Wright, William “Everything was absolutely ideal on the day I bombed the Pentagon. The sky was blue. The birds were singing. And the bastards were finally going to get what was coming to them” Ayers, Bernadine Dohrn, Rashid Khalidi, Tony Rezko, Rod “F%$@ing” Blagojevich, Michael Pfleger, ….

[pointing]

Hahahahahahahaha

(pointing)
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Scoreboard!

sqw
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I urge you to check out the change.gov question area. there are sidesplitting wingnut submissions.

I think it would be nice if Obama could pick his own successor!

Regards,
Brandon
http://bowdoinorient.com

[...] UPDATE2: From the archive, one of my all-time favorite Swampland Commenter Contests. [...]