Hannity & Who?

How about Mort Kondracke. He onced played a liberal on the McLaughlin Group in the 80s. Or Michael Kinsley, he once played on on CNN and again here in Swampland. You can have Faux liberals on Faux news.

Who is Hannity going to belittle? They ought to put an eight-year-old kid in the chair next to him and let him yell at the kid until the kid cries every show.
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That would be the closest they could get to Colmes.
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“Stop yelling at me! Stop it!”

I’d vote for the Python sketch character: A Small Pool of Brown Liquid, Possibly Creosote.

Inanimate Carbon Rod! Inanimate Carbon Rod!

In rod we trust!!!!!

I’ll guarantee who it won’t be: Robert Gibbs!

Joe Lieberman.

A toaster:
“Well how do you respond to the accusation that Obama will kill small businesses with tax raises, Mr. Toaster?”
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“…ka-CHUNK!”

Ana Marie Cox. She’ll do or say anything for money and exposure.

Cliff Schecter is the answer. Well, if they wanted liberals to watch.

My serious guess, since he is under contract would be Lanny Davis. I am trying to think like a Fox exec here.

Droopy the Dog (http://www.cartoon-secrets.com/Photos/DroopyDog3.jpg) gets my vote.

George Clooney

trifecta…think like a Fox exec? Please, no oxygen depravation…you’re too valuable a commenter here.

That teacher from Beavis and Butthead who sang “Lesbian Seagull.”
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Serious answer… “former Clinton adviser Dick Morris.”

Alan Keyes! The only way to fight crazy is with more and better crazy.

Bernie.

Remember folks that the working title of the show was Hannity and LTBNL for a liberal to be named later. Hannity is genuinely a big money maker. They can’t have somebody who challenges him too much. If intrade held odds, I would seriously bet on Lanny Davis. Kinsley is actually “too feisty”. He was fine for Buckley, but not passive enough for Fox. He also is dealing w/ his illness. Not good for a 5 day gig.

This would kill Hannity: Phil Donahue

The other possibility I see is Bob Beckel. He is on contract at FOx, is semi muzzled since the “indiscretion”, and is a former political consultant, so would do anything for a few bucks, or some beef jerky.

Trifecta, what was Bob Beckel’s “indiscretion?”

There must be another Eunuch with broadcast experience running around.

Beckel had the same indiscretion as Jerry Springer. He used personal checks to pay for female company.

Anybody have the problem with their posts just disappearing completely? Not going into moderation just when you hit submit it just goes away. It’s happening to me when I try to post at work.

What a maroon. Couldn’t he just wire transfer like Eliot Spitzer?

“What person (or cartoon character or inanimate object or whatever) should replace Alan Colmes?”
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Personally, I would like to see them tap a middle age white guy. We need some new perspective.

Hugo Chavez, watching the two go at it would be like watching a nuclear explosion everyday.

KT here–

Gunny: Or a young, hot, blonde woman. Fox doesn’t have many of those, either.

KT — All the cartoon characters I can think of are under contract to Warner Brothers.
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What about Reverend Wright?

“Or a young, hot, blonde woman. Fox doesn’t have many of those, either.”
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Oh come on KT. Fox News would never sell out like that.

How about Hannity’s favorite unrepentent terrorist Bill Ayers?

I would accept any of these in no particular order
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James Carville
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David Sirota
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Cliff Schecter
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Bill Burton (why hasn’t he been mentioned for an Obama administration job?)
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Howard Dean (he needs a job now)
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Cenk Uyghur of The Young Turks
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Jeanine Garafola
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Lawerence O’donnell (but I kinda like him where he is pwning Pat Buchanan on a regular basis)
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and finally my snark pick Terry Tate

Karen Fox let E.D. “Terrorist fist bumps” Hill go. I guess ten years meant squat. Perhaps she was getting too long in the tooth after all this time, being 47 and all.
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They are sexist and ageist there. This is ironic considering their audience age. Apparently 70 year old white men want women under 35 reading their news for them, the more bottle blond and collagened the better.

Jar-Jar Binks: “Meesa not thinkin’ Obama been knowin’ Ayers so berry well.”

Or a young, hot, blonde woman.
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Actually they can be brunette if they’re also non-white. But white women have to be blondes. It’s weird…

My last comment reminded me that I really miss Judy Woodruff and Bernie Shaw at CNN. Remember those days? I do. Darn it.

Oh wait I have the PERFECT new host.
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Andrew Sullivan!!! He isn’t a liberal but he HATES Hannity mostly because he thinks Hannity is a fake conservative and of course there is the LGBT issues. There would be some smoke in the city!!!

I think I like this blog better with KT in charge. Wonkette wishes she was this funny.

Rose83 wrote:”But white women have to be blondes. It’s weird…”
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Fox is playing to their Aryan nation audience.

Hitchens would be funny, if you could keep him sober that late at night. Heck, it would be funny either way. He would have to have a minder to get him to the studio every day. It would be entertainment galore.

Rotating weekly picture cut-out of Reid, Pelosi, Dean, etc.
Hannity: So whaddaya have to say about that? Huh? Huh?
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Frankly, I don’t think that any librul would want to be the extreme sideshow. My guess is that they’ll occasionally bring in some other prominent conservative to “channel” what the liberal mind is thinking…
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This week! Ann Coulter!
Hannity: Hussein Obama is saying that *snort* consumers are going to have to buy less on credit and pay down debt!
Coulter: Well, Sean, if I had 90% of my prodigious brain removed, this might make sense to my Godless mind; however…

i vote for bizarro me, or at least the caricature of me that would not hesitate to punch hannity in the face repeatedly the first time he interrupted me…alas, the real me was raised better than that…second choice; carville…imagine, i could avoid both of those blowhards at the same time…3rd choice, jesus. wouldnt that be fun!!!

I already told the atriots that it would be a life-sized stuffed panda.
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As i think about it, though, they’re gonna need them some ratings. So why no someone who can stand up to Sean? Schecter, for example.
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Cool reality teevee too. We’d get to see Hannity’s head explode.
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Oh, wait, Condi needs a job. She’d broaden the demo.

Oh hell I have one better than Robert Gibbs
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Behold the pwnage from Malik Shabazz
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Seems Hannity has been palling around with neo nazis. Funny I haven’t seen Shabazz on again since this episode aired.

Mario Cuomo

Oooh.
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I nominate rose. She’d make mincemeat out of that mouse.
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This actually does present a weird problem for Fox. They really put this straight-faced, we’re a news organization thing on. Who can they pick who will take it and not destroy that message?

alec baldwin…first episode would end in a good old long island arse whoopin

Candace Gingrich

Jayackroyd said: “This actually does present a weird problem for Fox. They really put this straight-faced, we’re a news organization thing on. Who can they pick who will take it and not destroy that message?”
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See my comment at number 8

Candace Gingrich, or Rosie O’Donnell if they want real discussion. An inflatable girlfriend, if they don’t.

Hannity and Schecter would be great. The problem is that Schecter could stand up to him. That is why it will never happen. Hannity needs a punching boy. He needs a broken down liberal who is desperate for work.
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How about champion presidential campaign consultant Bob Shrum?

If you were being serious for a moment:
Bill Moyers
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Dan Rather

jay
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they have so many limp noodle Dems on foxnews that they can have one step in tomorrow and not skip a beat. It wouldn’t surprise me if they didnt put a dino in like lady de Rothschild or even Dick Morris. I mean hell he IS on the show every single night.

Jeanine Garofalo. I haven’t seen her much lately…

This guy?

I nominate myself.
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1) I go blank the instant the red light goes on, so Hannity’s got nothing to worry about from me, except when
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2) I have a flashback, and flaming catterpillars start crawling out of my mouth. I’m told that’s when the screaming starts. I end up in Hannity’s lap and he freaks.
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3) Since I never know when it’s going to happen, he can’t know either. Epic Drama!
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4) I have a very bad sense of smell. This helps when Coulter’s lurking about.

Sorry about the crazy double half-posting. Honestly, I’ve been writing about Little Lord Fauntleroy for a week and can’t think straight right now.

Coffee: I think you’re onto something. He’ll work cheap too!

I nominate the Bar None sockpuppet.

If he were still alive…Howard Cosell

5) I will smite Dick Morris if it’s the last thing I do. Just watch me.

dundeweller
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Garafalo drove the napoleonic guy on fox and friends crazy one day in 03
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And she was also on Maher and she said Bill O could “kiss her fat ass”

Barney the Dinosaur

SG: I knew she had a feud with Fox. But it would be great to see her go at it with Hannity. She’s tough and funny – great combo.

Not a long-term solution, but she rocks!

Garafalo would be great. But there is the mincemeat, mouse problem.

dunedeweller
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The biggest thing is she is smart as all hell. I never realized she knew so much about foreign policy but she is up on her sh!t at all times. I would love to see Maddow have her on one night and see them just blow people’s minds about wonky policy. And like you said she is funny as hell so it would be enjoyable to watch. I must admit I also have found her sexy and a very very VERY odd way for some reason. Don’t ask me why

pourme – Classic!

Although I am intrigued by Andy’s suggestion of Bill Moyers, the disparity would just not be fair. Hanity shouldn’t be required to duel totally unarmed.

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I am more inclined to agree with palininatowel # 2, but substitute the 8 year old for the most foul mouthed, aggressive middle schooler from an inner city school. Intellectually, that would be a level playing field.

In all seriousness, FOX will NEVER choose someone who is a threat to Hannity. That’s not to say they won’t pick a smart and well-spoken co-host, just not someone who is aggressive, highly competitive or mercurial. I can see FOX picking someone like Susan Estrich. She’s got name recognition but minds her boundaries.

pourme
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Betty White is the greatest!

@sgw – I had never even hear of Lake Placid; I’m going to have to watch that when it comes on cable.

sg: I totally agree! She’s brilliant, and it was great to see her expand it from comedy to politics. I wondered what happened to her after Air America, but I guess she went back to movies for awhile. I’m surprised she didn’t re-emerge more during the election. It would be great to see her on Maddow. And she is sexy – in a feisty, inked up nerdy sort of way.

assuming Al Franken doesn’t end up winning Minnesota, he should replace Colmes!

Heh, heh, heh, heh….now there’s a debate I’d like to see!

codeguy1: I thought the same this but didn’t want to jinx his chances.

Here’s another thoughtful suggestion:
Elizabeth Edwards

How about dumping Hannity, keeping Colmes, and bringing in a rational conservative (whatever that means) co host.

If anyone is taking bets, my money is on Geraldine Ferraro. Fox seems to have a thing for her, and she takes their paychecks with a smile.

joyomama, Geraldine would side with Hannity.

O’Reilly would stroke out if Franken was on the Fox payroll.

As a prediction, I agree Ferraro makes sense. She fits that mold I was trying to get at with Estrich – credible without claws.

oh, I get it. It was a snark. I’m a little slow.

I can’t believe nobody has suggested Sarah Palin yet. She give a pretty good argument against conservatism…

pourme
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Lake Placid is AWESOME. Big ass crocodile movie. Bill Pullman is in it along with Bridget Fonda and Oliver Platt but Betty White steals the show with her foul mouth lol

trifecta
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Just more of a reason to hope Franken signs up if the recount doesnt go his way

Oh, better yet — Morbo, the alien co-anchor from Futurama.

Too bad for Fox that they wouldn’t pick someone who could occasionally unleash a verbal smack-down on Hannity. I think they would gain new viewers that way. I never watched H&C because Colmes wasn’t compelling.

Quite frankly, I wouldn’t mind if Fox News went dark.

As crazy as it sounds the another guy who always gives Hannity fits is Al Sharpton

@sgw – If you are talking Sharpton, how about Chuck D. “Fight The Power” bumper music!

Keith
Olbermann

pourme
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We want a co host, not a celebrity death match!

Andy, as far as I’m concerned, you win, hands down. And may the most hysterical idiot prevail.

Perhaps one of the Washington Generals back benchers?

Actually, Margaret Carlson could be a plug compatible replacement for Colmes.

Rush Limbaugh – the clash of titanic rightwing blowhards trying to out-blowhard one another in massive fits of self-righteousness and uber-patriotism.
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In the end, they explode, showering the set with their steaming, smoldering entrails.
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O’Reilly then forces Dick Morris to go in with a mop and bucket and clean up.
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The I woke up.

Cardboard cutout of Colmes. Same feistiness as the original.
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” how about Chuck D. ”
The one cool thing about Colmes is he is the radio host interviewing Chuck D on Fear of A Black Planet.

Oh. I know. Jay Carney. He would be great.

@sgw – Ha!
@Paul – I did not know that! Cool.

The creativity here leaves me at a loss. palininatowel, great. A giant smackdown. Bring em all on in a caged arena. And PNNTO, agreed, a cardboard cutout of Colmes would stand in the middle of the ring.

sgwhiteinfla’s Palin link is pretty great, btw. No idea how I missed that at the time.

We are probably all missing the most obvious of low hanging fruit
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Geraldo Rivera

More seriously who ever said Lanny Davis was right. Perfect FNC Democrat. Shaky voice, well known, happy to “concede the point”

At least we know that Alan isn’t leaving to spend more time with his (extended) family.
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Wife: Dr. Jocelyn Crowley (sister of Monica Crowley, m. 1-Jun-2003)

Call the show Sean & Hannity and let the fool talk to himself.

an inanimate carbon rod (hat tip to The Simpsons when it didn’t s**k), Michael Moore in the Hannibal Lecter straight-jacket with facemask or a large mirror.

Ok, now HuffPo is sweatin’ Swampland.

cbhenderson wrote: ‘…second choice; carville…’
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That’s just plain cruel. Can you imagine what it would be like to put up with Hannity all day and then go home and get more of the same?

I think I am sticking with Geraldo

Halperin made bronze for WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD
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YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY

Has anybody mentioned Howard Wolfson yet? He has the perfect collapsible spine, a matching unctuous personality, and he’s already on the Fox payroll. Perfect.

A round of Bush pardons
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http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27895909/

First round of Bush pardons

Well, here’s a choice that will seem out of left field, but is really not if you think about it — Jane Hamsher.

A smart, gutsy liberal who fulfills the “hot blonde” quotient for those with discerning taste, and she doesn’t back down from a fight. Plus it would actually garner Fox some liberal viewers in the age of Obama.

Of course, I realize that these attributes might be anathema to Fox. But worth considering.

How about a bobble-head colmes?

In keeping with FNC’s tradition of excellence, I nominate Star Jones. They would be feuding in no time. Fabulous.

A hologram of Sean Hannity in drag, so he can get in touch with his feminine side.

I think Hannity could hold his own against a plate of bacon. He would end every argument with “Oh yeah??? Well, I’m gonna eat you!” And he would. And he’d roll around with contentment at the end of every show.

I am in South Africa on vacation, so my time zone (and when I can borrow a friend’s computer) limits my real time discussions. I’ve been enjoying Karen’s vacation week Swamp posts and the good discussion on NCLB among others.
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In this thread, my choice was already taken — Lanny Davis. Would fit right in with what I’ve heard of the show and the few minutes I have seen.
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However, I looked at the HuffPo link joyomama included and it mentioned Harold Ford Jr. He is my new favorite.

Hanitty and Vanity

I know he’s now decided to go solo, but: Hannity & Combs would have been great.

Hypnotoad.

At least 3X as effective as Colmes.

In the interests of continuity, the replacement should be one of the following:

1) A football tackling dummy

2) Red Klotz, coach of the Washington Generals (Harlem Globetrotters’ stooge team)

a good choice would be KEITH OLBERMAN…the show would be like fight night every night…or any of you lefties on this blog

How about a ventriloquist’s dummy with Hannity as the ventriloquist? I’d watch that show.

[...] WHO SHOULD REPLACE ALAN COLMES?FAIR AND BALANCED JUST BECAME EVEN MORE UNFAIR AND UNBALANCED http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2008/11/24/hannity-who/  Hannity Minus ColmesWhor-itty’s New World Order has no room for thoughful libs. The team parts [...]

How about Wilson (the volleyball from ‘Castaway)?
Add that existential edge Colmes had……

Or possibly meatwad from Aquateen hunger force.

Or Laurel and Hannity…..ok, back to work!