1. Barack Obama’s database knows your secrets.
2. John McCain praises Obama before the NAACP, pigs fly, the end it nigh:
Let me begin with a few words about my opponent. Don’t tell him I said this, but he is an impressive fellow in many ways. He has inspired a great many Americans, some of whom had wrongly believed that a political campaign could hold no purpose or meaning for them. His success should make Americans, all Americans, proud. Of course, I would prefer his success not continue quite as long as he hopes. But it makes me proud to know the country I’ve loved and served all my life is still a work in progress, and always improving. Senator Obama talks about making history, and he’s made quite a bit of it already. And the way was prepared by this venerable organization and others like it. A few years before the NAACP was founded, President Theodore Roosevelt’s invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage and an insult in many quarters. America today is a world away from the cruel and prideful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the nomination of an African-American to be the presidential nominee of his party. Whatever the outcome in November, Senator Obama has achieved a great thing — for himself and for his country — and I thank him for it.
3. Andy Borowitz uncovers Obama-approved jokes: “A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, ‘This joke isn’t going to work because there’s no Muslim in this boat.’ “